English fiction -- 19th century; Marriage -- Fiction
His customary wrestle with the night drove Lord Fleetwood in the
stillness of the hour after matins from his hated empty Esslemont up
again to the village of the long-lived people, enjoying the moist
earthiness of the air off the ironstone. He rode fasting, a good
preparatory state for the simple pleasures, which are virtually the Great
Nourisher's teats to her young. The earl was relieved of his dejection
by a sudden filling of his nostrils. Fat Esslemont underneath had no
such air. Except on the mornings of his walk over the Salzkammergut and
Black Forest regions, he had never consciously drawn that deep breath of
the satisfied rapture, charging the whole breast with thankfulness.
Huntsmen would know it, if the chase were not urgent to pull them at
the tail of the running beast. Once or twice on board his yacht he
might have known something like it, but the salt sea-breeze could not
be disconnected from his companion Lord Feltre, and a thought of Feltre
swung vapour of incense all about him. Breathing this air of the young
sun's kiss of earth, his invigoration repelled the seductions of the
burnt Oriental gums.
Besides, as he had told his friend, it was the sincerity of the Catholic
religion, not the seductiveness, that won him to a form of homage--the
bend of the head of a foreign observer at a midnight mass. Asceticism,
though it may not justify error, is a truth in itself, it is the essence
extracted of the scourge, flesh vanquished; and it stands apart from
controversy. Those monks of the forested mountain heights, rambling for
their herbs, know the blessedness to be found in mere breathing:
a neighbour readiness to yield the breath inspires it the more. For when
we do not dread our end, the sense of a free existence comes back to us:
we have the prized gift to infancy under the piloting of manhood. But
before we taste that happiness we must perform our penance; 'No living
happiness can be for the unclean,' as the holy father preached to his
flock of the monastery dispersing at matins.
Ay, but penance? penance? Is there not such a thing as the doing of
penance out of the Church, in the manly fashion? So to regain the right
to be numbered among the captains of the world's fighting men,
incontestably the best of comrades, whether or no they led away on a
cataract leap at the gates of life. Boldly to say we did a wrong will
clear our sky for a few shattering peals.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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