Humorous stories; Mistaken identity -- Fiction; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
“No, I don’t. Fool or _no_ fool, he would grab it. Anybody would.
Anybody that’s alive. And I’ve seen dead people that would get up and
go for it. I would myself.”
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This was balm, this was healing, this was rest and peace and comfort.
“But I thought you were opposed to nobilities.”
“Transmissible ones, yes. But that’s nothing. I’m opposed to
millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.”
“You’d take it?”
“I would leave the funeral of my dearest enemy to go and assume its
burdens and responsibilities.”
Tracy thought a while, then said:
“I don’t know that I quite get the bearings of your position. You say
you are opposed to hereditary nobilities, and yet if you had the chance
you would—”
“Take one? In a minute I would. And there isn’t a mechanic in that
entire club that wouldn’t. There isn’t a lawyer, doctor, editor,
author, tinker, loafer, railroad president, saint—land, there isn’t a
human _being_ in the United States that wouldn’t jump at the chance!”
“Except me,” said Tracy softly.
“Except you!” Barrow could hardly get the words out, his scorn so
choked him. And he couldn’t get any further than that form of words; it
seemed to dam his flow, utterly. He got up and came and glared upon
Tracy in a kind of outraged and unappeasable way, and said again,
“Except _you!_” He walked around him—inspecting him from one point of
view and then another, and relieving his soul now and then by exploding
that formula at him; “Except _you!_” Finally he slumped down into his
chair with the air of one who gives it up, and said:
“He’s straining his viscera and he’s breaking his heart trying to get
some low-down job that a good dog wouldn’t have, and yet wants to let
on that if he had a chance to scoop an earldom he wouldn’t do it.
Tracy, don’t put this kind of a strain on me. Lately I’m not as strong
as I was.”
“Well, I wasn’t meaning to put—a strain on you, Barrow, I was only
meaning to intimate that if an earldom ever does fall in my way—”
“There—I wouldn’t give myself any worry about _that_, if I was you. And
besides, I can settle what you would do. Are you any different from
me?”
“Well—no.”
“Are you any better than me?”
“O,—er—why, certainly not.”
“Are you as _good?_ Come!”
“Indeed, I—the fact is you take me so suddenly—”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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