Humorous stories; Mistaken identity -- Fiction; United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
“Suddenly? What is there sudden about it? It isn’t a difficult question
is it? Or doubtful? Just measure us on the only fair lines—the lines of
merit—and of course you’ll admit that a journeyman chairmaker that
earns his twenty dollars a week, and has had the good and genuine
culture of contact with men, and care, and hardship, and failure, and
success, and downs and ups and ups and downs, is just a trifle the
superior of a young fellow like you, who doesn’t know how to do
anything that’s valuable, can’t earn his living in any secure and
steady way, hasn’t had any experience of life and its seriousness,
hasn’t any culture but the artificial culture of books, which adorns
but doesn’t really educate—come! if _I_ wouldn’t scorn an earldom, what
the devil right have _you_ to do it!”
Tracy dissembled his joy, though he wanted to thank the chair-maker for
that last remark. Presently a thought struck him, and he spoke up
briskly and said:
“But look here, I really can’t quite get the hang of your notions—your
principles, if they are principles. You are inconsistent. You are
opposed to aristocracies, yet you’d take an earldom if you could. Am I
to understand that you don’t blame an earl for being and remaining an
earl?”
“I certainly don’t.”
“And you wouldn’t blame Tompkins, or yourself, or me, or anybody, for
accepting an earldom if it was offered?”
“Indeed I wouldn’t.”
“Well, then, whom _would_ you blame?”
“The whole nation—any bulk and mass of population anywhere, in any
country, that will put up with the infamy, the outrage, the insult of a
hereditary aristocracy which _they_ can’t enter—and on absolutely free
and equal terms.”
“Come, aren’t you beclouding yourself with distinctions that are not
differences?”
“Indeed I am not. I am entirely clear-headed about this thing. If I
could extirpate an aristocratic system by declining its honors, _then_
I should be a rascal to accept them. And if enough of the mass would
join me to make the extirpation possible, _then_ I should be a rascal
to do otherwise than help in the attempt.”
“I believe I understand—yes, I think I get the idea. You have no blame
for the lucky few who naturally decline to vacate the pleasant nest
they were born into, you only despise the all-powerful and stupid mass
of the nation for allowing the nest to exist.”
“That’s it, that’s it! You _can_ get a simple thing through your head
if you work at it long enough.”
“Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it. And I’ll give you some sound advice: when you go
back; if you find your nation up and ready to abolish that hoary
affront, lend a hand; but if that isn’t the state of things and you get
a chance at an earldom, don’t you be a fool—you take it.”
Tracy responded with earnestness and enthusiasm:
“As I live, I’ll do it!”
Barrow laughed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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