In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin," When I can tell at sight a Chassepot rifle from a javelin, When such affairs as _sorties_ and surprises I'm more wary at, And when I know precisely what is meant by Commissariat, When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery, When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery, In short, when I've a smattering of elementary strategy, You'll say a better Major-Gener_al_ has never _sat_ a gee-- For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury, Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century. But still in learning vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-Gineral! [Illustration] THE BISHOP AND THE 'BUSMAN It was a Bishop bold, And London was his see, He was short and stout and round about And zealous as could be. It also was a Jew, Who drove a Putney 'bus-- For flesh of swine however fine He did not care a cuss. His name was HASH BAZ BEN, And JEDEDIAH too, And SOLOMON and ZABULON--- This 'bus-directing Jew. The Bishop said, said he, "I'll see what I can do To Christianise and make you wise, You poor benighted Jew." So every blessed day That 'bus he rode outside, From Fulham town, both up and down, And loudly thus he cried: "His name is HASH BAZ BEN, And JEDEDIAH too, And SOLOMON and ZABULON-- This 'bus-directing Jew." [Illustration] At first the 'busman smiled, And rather liked the fun-- He merely smiled, that Hebrew child, And said, "Eccentric one!" And gay young dogs would wait To see the 'bus go by (These gay young dogs, in striking togs), To hear the Bishop cry: "Observe his grisly beard, His race it clearly shows, He sticks no fork in ham or pork-- Observe, my friends, his nose. "His name is HASH BAZ BEN, And JEDEDIAH too, And SOLOMON and ZABULON-- This 'bus-directing Jew." But though at first amused, Yet after seven years, This Hebrew child got rather riled, And melted into tears. He really almost feared To leave his poor abode, His nose, and name, and beard became A byword on that road. At length he swore an oath, The reason he would know-- "I'll call and see why ever he Does persecute me so!" The good old Bishop sat On his ancestral chair, The 'busman came, sent up his name, And laid his grievance bare. [Illustration] "Benighted Jew," he said (The good old Bishop did), "Be Christian, you, instead of Jew-- Become a Christian kid! "I'll ne'er annoy you more." "Indeed?" replied the Jew; "Shall I be freed?" "You will, indeed!" Then "Done!" said he, "with you!"