The organ which, in man, Between the eyebrows grows, Fell from his face, and in its place He found a Christian nose. His tangled Hebrew beard, Which to his waist came down. Was now a pair of whiskers fair-- His name ADOLPHUS BROWN! He wedded in a year That prelate's daughter JANE, He's grown quite fair--has auburn hair-- His wife is far from plain. [Illustration] [Illustration] THE HEAVY DRAGOON If you want a receipt for that popular mystery, Known to the world as a Heavy Dragoon, Take all the remarkable people in history, Rattle them off to a popular tune! The pluck of LORD NELSON on board of the _Victory_-- Genius of BISMARCK devising a plan; The humour of FIELDING (which sounds contradictory)-- Coolness of PAGET about to trepan-- The grace of MOZART, that unparalleled musico-- Wit of MACAULAY, who wrote of QUEEN ANNE-- The pathos of PADDY, as rendered by BOUCICAULT-- Style of the BISHOP OF SODOR AND MAN-- The dash of a D'ORSAY, divested of quackery-- Narrative powers of DICKENS and THACKERAY-- VICTOR EMMANUEL--peak-haunting PEVERIL-- THOMAS AQUINAS, and DOCTOR SACHEVERELL-- TUPPER and TENNYSON--DANIEL DEFOE-- ANTHONY TROLLOPE and MISTER GUIZOT! Take of these elements all that is fusible, Melt 'em all down in a pipkin or crucible, Set 'em to simmer and take off the scum, And a Heavy Dragoon is the residuum! If you want a receipt for this soldierlike paragon, Get at the wealth of the CZAR (if you can)-- The family pride of a Spaniard from Arragon-- Force of MEPHISTO pronouncing a ban-- A smack of LORD WATERFORD, reckless and rollicky-- Swagger of RODERICK, heading his clan-- The keen penetration of PADDINGTON POLLAKY-- Grace of an Odalisque on a divan-- The genius strategic of CÆSAR or HANNIBAL-- Skill of LORD WOLSELEY in thrashing a cannibal-- Flavour of HAMLET--the STRANGER, a touch of him-- Little of MANFRED (but not very much of him)-- Beadle of Burlington--RICHARDSON'S show-- MR. MICAWBER and MADAME TUSSAUD! Take of these elements all that is fusible-- Melt 'em all down in a pipkin or crucible-- Set 'em to simmer and take off the scum, And a Heavy Dragoon is the residuum! [Illustration] THE TROUBADOUR A Troubadour he played Without a castle wall, Within, a hapless maid Responded to his call. "Oh, willow, woe is me! Alack and well-a-day! If I were only free I'd hie me far away!" Unknown her face and name, But this he knew right well, The maiden's wailing came From out a dungeon cell. A hapless woman lay Within that prison grim-- That fact, I've heard him say, Was quite enough for him.