"Oh, youths," said he, "I grieve to find The course of life you've been and hit on-- Sit down," said he, "and never mind The pennies for the chairs you sit on. [Illustration] "My opening head is 'Kensington,' How walking there the sinner hardens; Which when I have enlarged upon, I go to 'Secondly'--its Gardens. "My 'Thirdly' comprehendeth 'Hyde,' Of Secrecy the guilts and shameses; My 'Fourthly'--'Park'--its verdure wide-- My 'Fifthly' comprehends 'St. James's.' "That matter settled I shall reach The 'Sixthly' in my solemn tether, And show that what is true of each, Is also true of all, together. "Then I shall demonstrate to you, According to the rules of Whately. That what is true of all, is true Of each, considered separately." [Illustration] In lavish stream his accents flow, TOM, BOB, and BILLY dare not flout him; He argued high, he argued low, He also argued round about him. "Ha, ha!" he said, "you loathe your ways, Repentance on your souls is dawning, In agony your hands you raise." (And so they did, for they were yawning.) To "Twenty-firstly" on they go, The lads do not attempt to scout him; He argued high, he argued low, He also argued round about him. "Ho, ho!" he cries, "you bow your crests-- My eloquence has set you weeping; In shame you bend upon your breasts!" (They bent their heads, for they were sleeping.) [Illustration] He proved them this--he proved them that-- This good but wearisome ascetic; He jumped and thumped upon his hat, He was so very energetic. His bishop at this moment chanced To pass, and found the road encumbered; He noticed how the Churchman danced, And how his congregation slumbered. The hundred and eleventh head The priest completed of his stricture; "Oh, bosh!" the worthy bishop said, And walked him off, as in the picture. [Illustration] [Illustration] THEY'LL NONE OF 'EM BE MISSED As some day it may happen that a victim must be found, I've got a little list--I've got a little list Of social offenders who might well be underground, And who never would be missed--who never would be missed! There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs-- All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs-- All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat-- All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like _that_-- And all third persons who on spoiling _tête-à-têtes_ insist-- They'd none of 'em be missed--they'd none of 'em be missed!