"Gentle, modest, little flower, Sweet epitome of May, Love me but for half-an-hour, Love me, love me, little fay." Sentences so fiercely flaming In your tiny shell-like ear, I should always be exclaiming If I loved you, PHŒBE, dear. "Smiles that thrill from any distance Shed upon me while I sing! Please ecstaticise existence, Love me, oh thou fairy thing!" Words like these, outpouring sadly. You'd perpetually hear, If I loved you, fondly, madly;-- But I do not, PHŒBE, dear. [Illustration] THE APE AND THE LADY A lady fair, of lineage high, Was loved by an Ape, in the days gone by-- The Maid was radiant as the sun, The Ape was a most unsightly one-- So it would not do-- His scheme fell through; For the Maid, when his love took formal shape, Expressed such terror At his monstrous error, That he stammered an apology and made his 'scape, The picture of a disconcerted Ape. With a view to rise in the social scale, He shaved his bristles, and he docked his tail, He grew moustachios, and he took his tub, And he paid a guinea to a toilet club. But it would not do, The scheme fell through-- For the Maid was Beauty's fairest Queen, With golden tresses, Like a real princess's, While the Ape, despite his razor keen, Was the apiest Ape that ever was seen! He bought white ties, and he bought dress suits. He crammed his feet into bright tight boots. And to start his life on a brand-new plan, He christened himself Darwinian Man! But it would not do, The scheme fell through-- For the Maiden fair, whom the monkey craved, Was a radiant Being, With a brain far-seeing-- While a Man, however well-behaved, At best is only a monkey shaved! [Illustration] BAINES CAREW, GENTLEMAN Of all the good attorneys who Have placed their names upon the roll, But few could equal BAINES CAREW For tender-heartedness and soul. Whene'er he heard a tale of woe From client A or client B, His grief would overcome him so, He'd scarce have strength to take his fee. It laid him up for many days, When duty led him to distrain; And serving writs, although it pays, Gave him excruciating pain. He made out costs, distrained for rent, Foreclosed and sued, with moistened eye-- No bill of costs could represent The value of such sympathy. No charges can approximate The worth of sympathy with woe;-- Although I think I ought to state He did his best to make them so. Of all the many clients who Had mustered round his legal flag, No single client of the crew Was half so dear as CAPTAIN BAGG.