The Bad Boy at Home, and His Experiences in Trying to Become an Editor: 1885Victor, Metta Victoria Fuller
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The Bad Boy at Home, and His Experiences in Trying to Become an Editor: 1885
Victor, Metta Victoria Fuller
American wit and humor; Diary fiction; Newspapers -- Fiction
To-day was the grand openin of fall and winter stiles at all the big Dry
Goods and Millernery stores. Clara Bell, wot does up that bisness for
the _Buster_ had gone and got completely brok up on a 50 dollar bonnet,
wot she sed was the cutest little thing she ever seen, so she had to go
rite up to Hackensaw, and see if she couldnt squeeze the munny outer her
old bachler unkel, wot dotes on her. Mr. Gilley wuld of discharged her
ony he'd forgot to pay her sellary up in full for the last six months,
so he had to make the best of it, and send me out ter report it in her
place.
The followin' is wot'll appear in termorrer mornin's _Buster_:
“The first place our repraysentertiv peramberlated hisself to was Lords
& Tailor's. He was met at the dore by a aggressiv dude, to hoom he
persented his paist-bord, and who immejeatly put him in charge of a
demminutiv casheer, wot scorted him to the maid-up soot department.
This department was feerfully crowded with ladies, wot were passin
complerments on the dresses.
“The most expensiv soot on exherbishun was 'mported from Paris, and is
maid with a red and green pettycote, bilt up together so as it'd look
like a checkherbord. Over this pettycote, and runnin down the back, from
the waste, in underlatin hills and valley's, wot was formed of a lot of
the cheep, two-for-a-cent metrypollytan jurnals, was a skie blu sattin
coursage, with a long trane, The front of the skurt was composed of a
lot of curlykues, suspended from the sides, louped up in the middle,
and maid of illushunairy stuff, so you culd see the pettycote. The hull
bisness was blowd up like the upper half of a belloon, ony a little more
so. Over all this was a pollynays, with panyers xtendin from the neck,
down to the waste line and maid titer'an durnashun.
“This kostume is the creashun of Wurth, the maskerline millerner, and
cost 5 thousand dollars. It was 'mported xpressley for the wife of a up
town plummer, but since she sent on her messures, she's been living so
high that the steem derrick, wot she bort a purpose, has utterly failed
to lace her korsets tite enuf for her to get inter the dress. Wile our
representertiv was present, the kostume was purchased by the wife of
the milyun-hair editur, of the Sarrytoga _Eagle_ for 48 hundred dollars
cash.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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