Since the big reduckshun in price of the mornin papers, them wot didnt cum down much hav ben usin all sorts of skeems to keep up their circulashuns, so yesterday Mr. Gilley desided to run a cuppel of collums of free wanted advertisin. To start the ball a rollin, he maid me rite off a lot of dummie wants. I put in most everything I culd think of, from the soft and luvin pursernel to the big & clumsy steem engine. Wen I got down to the oflfis this mornin there was a orful crowd of wimmin on Park Row, all ranged along the edge of the pavement, with bout a hundred extra purlice keepin them in singel file. I couldn't for the life of me imagine wot was up, till I went up steers and seen the per-sesshun filin in and out the religus edittur's offis dores. Then I remembered the advertisement I rote, wot red like this: “Warnted, a rotund, bucksom, good-lookin and good-natured madin, suiterbel for a wife. One wot knowes enuf to put on stile & run a fashernable stablishment. Apply urley at this offis, to the religus edittur.” Now, our religus edittur is purty sweet on wimmin enyway, so he tuk it all in good part, and kissed and hugged every one of em, tellin em he'd let em kno by letter, wen he'd made his choice. They kep swarmin in all the mornin, til you'd thot all the wimmin in New York was warntin a man. Bout 11 o'clock we all notissed sumthing shut out the lite of the doreway, purty soon it turn'd round and cum in sideways and sung out, “Oh, were! Oh, were! is the bloomin boy wot warnts a rotund, buxom madin for his wife?” Then we all tumbeled that she was the Bowry Museum fat woman, so I pointed to the Religus Edittur. Then she grabbed him up in her arms, and squeezed him, till you could heer his ribs snappin. Wen he got black in the face she thot she'd made a mistake, in the man, and seized hold of Mr. Gilley, so I remembered it was gettin on towards dinner time. At the dore of the offis I met the quire singer in the little Church Round the Corner, wot the Religus Edittur's ngaged to, and she tole me to tell him he was a horrid rech, and she was goin to sue him for breech of promis, so she was. On my way hum to dinner, the manergin edittur overtuk me, and laffed and sed that was a purty good joke I'd fixed up on the religus edittur. I told him I didnt meen nothin by it enyway, cos I didnt xpect eny gurl'd think he was good lookin enuf to marry him. Now our mannergin edittur jest got marreed last week, and hee's bordin at the Metrypollytan hotel. Just fore we got there he giv me a ten-center, and sed, thats for the laff him and his wife'd hav wen he tole her bout the joke.