hear it." A few days after confinement to his own room, he said to one
of his sisters, "I shall never go down into the parlour again; I feel I
am sinking; I can hardly describe my sensations of weakness." It was
replied, that should it be so, it would be gain to him. He was asked if
he felt any distress in the prospect, as to the actual pain of dying. He
said, "No, my thoughts go beyond that; I endeavour to keep them fixed on
the bright side--the glory that shall follow." On another occasion he
was assisted to walk to the window of his apartment, and, looking out
upon the garden, he said, "Ah! there is the garden I used to enjoy, it
looks very winterly now, and I shall never walk there again; but I am
quite satisfied." When alluding to his departure, he said, "He hoped it
might be like falling asleep. Oh! to fall asleep, and wake in the
likeness of Jesus!" His bodily sufferings were often very severe;
especially as he drew near his end. On one occasion, when suffering
extreme agony, he asked, "If it was proper to pray for an object
seemingly desirable to ourselves!" The answer implied, there was no
restriction; that we might call upon God in the day of trouble, asking
for any mercy in submission to his will. He rejoined, "Oh! yes; _in
submission to the will of God_, I do desire a little relief from pain;
but," he added, "can you remind me of a _scripture_ example, where this
has been done; for my mind seems so weak, I cannot think?" The words of
the apostle Paul were referred to: "For _this thing_ I besought the
Lord," &c. And also the words of Jesus himself: "If it be possible, let
_this cup_ pass from me; nevertheless, not my will, but thine, be done."
He seemed earnestly to adopt this language, and became more composed.
The same evening he requested his father to pray with him; and being
asked what he most desired, he said, "That I may have patience, and bear
this affliction to the glory of God." He appeared to spend much of his
time in mental aspirations after spiritual support, and the presence of
Jesus. His oft-repeated request to his pious attendants was, "Oh! pray
for complete acquiescence, and for the presence of Jesus." On one
occasion, appearing to be greatly depressed, it was said to him, "Though
flesh and heart fail, God will be your strength and portion for ever:"
he replied, "Yes, he will; that is a mercy." After a pause, he said, "I
am anxious to have the presence of Jesus to the last:" and added, "Does
not Bunyan describe Christian as leaving his garments of mortality
behind him, when he passed through the river? How delightful that will
be!" At another time, when his hand had been lanced and dressed, he
said, "I long to lay my poor hand in the dust; I long to be at rest."
After a minute, he added, "There is a rest purchased and ready for me;
and I shall be put in possession in God's own time." He was exceedingly
grateful to those who attended him and administered to his necessities;
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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