Christmas stories, English; England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
‘I couldn’t do anything, Dr. Jeddler, till the women had done getting in
the apples, could I?’ said Britain, his voice rising with his reasoning,
so that it was very loud at last.
‘Well, have they done now?’ replied the Doctor, looking at his watch, and
clapping his hands. ‘Come! make haste! where’s Clemency?’
‘Here am I, Mister,’ said a voice from one of the ladders, which a pair
of clumsy feet descended briskly. ‘It’s all done now. Clear away, gals.
Everything shall be ready for you in half a minute, Mister.’
With that she began to bustle about most vigorously; presenting, as she
did so, an appearance sufficiently peculiar to justify a word of
introduction.
She was about thirty years old, and had a sufficiently plump and cheerful
face, though it was twisted up into an odd expression of tightness that
made it comical. But, the extraordinary homeliness of her gait and
manner, would have superseded any face in the world. To say that she had
two left legs, and somebody else’s arms, and that all four limbs seemed
to be out of joint, and to start from perfectly wrong places when they
were set in motion, is to offer the mildest outline of the reality. To
say that she was perfectly content and satisfied with these arrangements,
and regarded them as being no business of hers, and that she took her
arms and legs as they came, and allowed them to dispose of themselves
just as it happened, is to render faint justice to her equanimity. Her
dress was a prodigious pair of self-willed shoes, that never wanted to go
where her feet went; blue stockings; a printed gown of many colours, and
the most hideous pattern procurable for money; and a white apron. She
always wore short sleeves, and always had, by some accident, grazed
elbows, in which she took so lively an interest, that she was continually
trying to turn them round and get impossible views of them. In general,
a little cap placed somewhere on her head; though it was rarely to be met
with in the place usually occupied in other subjects, by that article of
dress; but, from head to foot she was scrupulously clean, and maintained
a kind of dislocated tidiness. Indeed, her laudable anxiety to be tidy
and compact in her own conscience as well as in the public eye, gave rise
to one of her most startling evolutions, which was to grasp herself
sometimes by a sort of wooden handle (part of her clothing, and
familiarly called a busk), and wrestle as it were with her garments,
until they fell into a symmetrical arrangement.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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