Christmas stories, English; England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
Such, in outward form and garb, was Clemency Newcome; who was supposed to
have unconsciously originated a corruption of her own Christian name,
from Clementina (but nobody knew, for the deaf old mother, a very
phenomenon of age, whom she had supported almost from a child, was dead,
and she had no other relation); who now busied herself in preparing the
table, and who stood, at intervals, with her bare red arms crossed,
rubbing her grazed elbows with opposite hands, and staring at it very
composedly, until she suddenly remembered something else she wanted, and
jogged off to fetch it.
‘Here are them two lawyers a-coming, Mister!’ said Clemency, in a tone of
no very great good-will.
‘Ah!’ cried the Doctor, advancing to the gate to meet them. ‘Good
morning, good morning! Grace, my dear! Marion! Here are Messrs.
Snitchey and Craggs. Where’s Alfred!’
‘He’ll be back directly, father, no doubt,’ said Grace. ‘He had so much
to do this morning in his preparations for departure, that he was up and
out by daybreak. Good morning, gentlemen.’
‘Ladies!’ said Mr. Snitchey, ‘for Self and Craggs,’ who bowed, ‘good
morning! Miss,’ to Marion, ‘I kiss your hand.’ Which he did. ‘And I
wish you’—which he might or might not, for he didn’t look, at first
sight, like a gentleman troubled with many warm outpourings of soul, in
behalf of other people, ‘a hundred happy returns of this auspicious day.’
‘Ha ha ha!’ laughed the Doctor thoughtfully, with his hands in his
pockets. ‘The great farce in a hundred acts!’
‘You wouldn’t, I am sure,’ said Mr. Snitchey, standing a small
professional blue bag against one leg of the table, ‘cut the great farce
short for this actress, at all events, Doctor Jeddler.’
‘No,’ returned the Doctor. ‘God forbid! May she live to laugh at it, as
long as she _can_ laugh, and then say, with the French wit, “The farce is
ended; draw the curtain.”’
‘The French wit,’ said Mr. Snitchey, peeping sharply into his blue bag,
‘was wrong, Doctor Jeddler, and your philosophy is altogether wrong,
depend upon it, as I have often told you. Nothing serious in life! What
do you call law?’
‘A joke,’ replied the Doctor.
‘Did you ever go to law?’ asked Mr. Snitchey, looking out of the blue
bag.
‘Never,’ returned the Doctor.
‘If you ever do,’ said Mr. Snitchey, ‘perhaps you’ll alter that opinion.’
Craggs, who seemed to be represented by Snitchey, and to be conscious of
little or no separate existence or personal individuality, offered a
remark of his own in this place. It involved the only idea of which he
did not stand seized and possessed in equal moieties with Snitchey; but,
he had some partners in it among the wise men of the world.
‘It’s made a great deal too easy,’ said Mr. Craggs.
‘Law is?’ asked the Doctor.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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