English fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
She seemed to hurry over her last words as though impatient to be done,
and wearied and bored by the memory of all these dallyings with
sentiment. The mocking merriment appeared also to have died out of her
face and voice. She gazed idly at the dancers who, in the restricted
space, almost constantly brushed up against them as they stood pressed
close to the wall. Paul wondered if he were looking haggard. The air of
careless merriment he had at first forced himself to assume had given
way, as he listened, to a sort of nervous apathy. The one great passion
of hers she had confided to him had drawn him closer to her by its
intrinsic dignity. It had appealed to his finer nature, stirring it to
its very depths. But these later revelations of hers revolted him by
their very pettiness. What had her parents been at that such a girl had
been allowed to run wild in that fashion? It was monstrous she had not
been supervised and prevented from stooping to these foolish and
frivolous relations with foolish and frivolous men--men she had allowed
to kiss her lips!
The pang that tore him at the image revealed to him how powerless he
was. He glanced at her again as she stood at his side. There was a
half-sad expression now on her face, which had resumed all its
babyishness again. The lock of hair near her ear lay about in a dainty
twist. Her lips showed innocent and red. To kiss them _he_ would lay
down his life!
He was shaken; he wanted to sob aloud. But he was at a festive
gathering. Round, round, up and down the room went the dancers,
shuffling forward with their rapid glide, the men bending their long,
supple bodies, the flowing curves of the women's dresses imparting a
greater grace to the movement. The whole scene was dreamy to him. His
inner thought was the only reality.
Why had she told him, why had she told him? he moaned within himself.
Then as he saw a new softness appear in her face, a gleam of comfort
came to him. Perhaps it had been from motives of conscience and she
really repented all; perhaps, too, she had thought it right to tell him
everything before allowing him to ask her to be his.
He would overlook all those episodes if only she would be his. If even
they had been more serious, if even she had been a dishonoured woman, he
knew now he would have had no strength not to condone. If any one had
told him a year ago that he--Paul--would one day be both willing and
eager to make such concessions as regards the past of a woman he
contemplated making his wife, he would have denied the statement
indignantly as a libel on himself.
She turned suddenly, and their looks met. Her face lighted up with a
smile. "Come, Paul, it's your turn now?"
"My turn!" he echoed, her words for the moment startlingly sounding like
an invitation to take his place in the procession of her lovers.
"Yes," she said. "Who was your sweetheart after the gardener's
daughter?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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