English fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
MISS BROOKE received him with the same cheery frankness as of yore, gave
him a quick hand-shake, and installed him in his old place on the
knobby-springed ottoman beneath the hanging book-shelves. The little
table was laid, as usual, for after-dinner coffee, and the small copper
kettle was boiling over a spirit-lamp. She was the first to speak.
"You were right, Paul. I have been thinking a good deal, and I have come
to agree with you that we ought to have a last talk together. I am
sensible that I am a thoroughly unscrupulous person--please don't
contradict me, I mean it in sober earnest--but I am not without my
redeeming moments, and so it happens I feel I ought to make my apology
to you before we part. Apology! That is a very weak word to use after my
immoral behaviour towards you. I mean to talk to you very openly, in
fact, I am going to confess the whole extent of my misconduct. Only I
want you to believe that to do so will hurt me if possible even more
than you. I really do want your sympathy very badly, Paul, although I
know I don't deserve it."
Her beautiful face was grave, and her voice a shade anxious. In her eyes
was an expression of sincerity that compelled acceptance.
"I know you will make me understand everything, Lisa," he said.
"You must withhold your judgment till I have finished. I am going to be
absolutely candid, though I am not sure whether I have ever succeeded
in telling the truth about things, the whole truth, and nothing but the
truth, even to myself. One shrinks from laying bare the causes and
motives of one's thoughts and conduct, even when no other eye is
looking. But I should feel myself quite vile now if I concealed the
least thing from you."
"One can over-accentuate the baseness of one's motives as well as cover
it up," he suggested.
"It is very kind of you, Paul, to try and spare me. But please save up
your mercy; I warn you I shall be sadly in need of it later on. To come
to facts now, Paul, I have tried to victimise you from the beginning. I
have dissembled and told you lies throughout. I have systematically
acted a part. I have never loved you."
He tried to make some articulation, but not a muscle moved. He sat as
if turned to stone.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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