I shot an arrow: how it sang! It was a poisoned arrow! And when it turned, a boomerang, It chilled me to the marrow. I know not where the arrow struck, And care but little whether It came straight back or ran amuck Upon the near-by heather. But _this_ I know; however fast The arrow homeward scurried, My getaway was unsurpassed-- For, Goodness, how I hurried! FIXING THE BLAME The almost-King of Verdun, still uncrowned, Wearied of _driving_, walked the ramparts 'round To see his father, Mr. William Kaiser, Who was to him an Oracle and wiser. "O Sire! Inform me! Tell your first-born son, Who caused the War, and why it was begun? Who slipped the leash, and what was the excuse For turning Europe's rabid War Dogs loose? Did you? Or was it Cousin George, or Nick Who stacked the cards and played the dirty trick? Or was it Joe, or Ferdinand, or Grey Who sawed the bridge and pulled the props away?" "My Son, I swear by all the periscopes And Zeppelins to which I pin my hopes; By all the Ocean Sharks and Bats a-sky, By Gott-in-Himmel! As I hope to die, _I'm_ not to blame! I didn't use the spurs, Or try to overwork Geographers! I fought for Peace, and ne'er defiance hurled, Altho' the Fatherland _should_ rule the world. But here's the truth: a secret I'll disclose! A stranger 'twas who made us come to blows! It happened thus: a mighty Nimrod came From Afric wilds, where he had played the game Until his cudgel bore a hundred nicks, (A record this for all Prodigious Sticks) To Germany. No pussyfoot was his, But there was courage in his Nobel phiz; And in his stride were energy and grace Enough to make the goose-step commonplace. I took him to my Palace, as my guest, And poured libations from the cellar's _best_, (He was a _certified_ non-drinker--See? So just accord this proper secrecy!) And then arranged to hold a Grand Review Of all my Armies and Reservists too. 'De-lighted!' said my guest, and nothing more, As we reviewed my legions corps by corps; But this blunt comment signified his zeal, And so I mobilized my fleet at Kiel; And on my Royal Yacht, my guest and I Watched the maneuvres as my ships passed by. 'De-lighted, Bill!' the Hardy Hunter shouted-- 'With such a fleet I'd have the whole world routed; And with your armies I would soon disperse The Fighting Units of the Universe!' Such praise was pleasing to my ears, altho My Wasps and Devil-fish I didn't show: I deemed it best to _meld_ this 'hundred aces' When all my ships and men were in their places. Had he seen _these_, I knew he would advise The conquest of the Earth and Seas and Skies: But, Shades of Bismarck! _that_, you understand Might prove a strain upon the Fatherland.