It was curious--that sense of dull uneasiness that came over him so
suddenly, so stealthily at first he scarcely noticed it, but with such
marked increase after a time that he presently got up and left the
theater. His seat was on the gangway of the dress circle, and he slipped
out awkwardly in the middle of what seemed to be the best and jolliest
song of the piece. The full house was shaking with laughter; so
infectious was the gaiety that even strangers turned to one another as
much as to say, "Now, isn't that funny?"
It was curious, too, the way the feeling first got into him at all, and
in the full swing of laughter, music, light-heartedness; for it came as
a vague suggestion, "I've forgotten something--something I meant to
do--something of importance. What in the world was it, now?" And he
thought hard, searching vainly through his mind; then dismissed it as
the dancing caught his attention. It came back a little later again,
during a passage of long-winded talk that bored him and set his
attention free once more, but came more strongly this time, insisting on
an answer. What could it have been that he had overlooked, left undone,
omitted to see to? It went on nibbling at the subconscious part of him.
Several times this happened, this dismissal and return, till at last the
thing declared itself more plainly--and he felt bothered, troubled,
distinctly uneasy.
He was wanted somewhere. There was somewhere else he ought to be. That
describes it best, perhaps. Some engagement of moment had entirely
slipped his memory--an engagement that involved another person, too. But
where, what, with whom? And, at length, this vague uneasiness amounted
to positive discomfort, so that he felt unable to enjoy the piece, and
left abruptly. Like a man to whom comes suddenly the horrible idea that
the match he lit his cigarette with and flung into the waste-paper
basket on leaving was not really out--a sort of panic distress--he
jumped into a taxicab and hurried to his flat to find everything in
order, of course; no smoke, no fire, no smell of burning.
But his evening was spoiled. He sat smoking in his armchair at home,
this business man of forty, practical in mind, of character some called
stolid, cursing himself for an imaginative fool. It was now too late to
go back to the theater; the club bored him; he spent an hour with the
evening papers, dipping into books, sipping a long cool drink, doing
odds and ends about the flat. "I'll go to bed early for a change," he
laughed, but really all the time fighting--yes, deliberately
fighting--this strange attack of uneasiness that so insidiously grew
upwards, outwards from the buried depths of him that sought so
strenuously to deny it. It never occurred to him that he was ill. He was
not ill. His health was thunderingly good. He was as robust as a
coal-heaver.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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