The flat was roomy, high up on the top floor, yet in a busy part of
town, so that the roar of traffic mounted round it like a sea. Through
the open windows came the fresh night air of June. He had never noticed
before how sweet the London night air could be, and that not all the
smoke and dust could smother a certain touch of wild fragrance that
tinctured it with perfume--yes, almost perfume--as of the country. He
swallowed a draught of it as he stood there, staring out across the
tangled world of roofs and chimney-pots. He saw the procession of the
clouds; he saw the stars; he saw the moonlight falling in a shower of
silver spears upon the slates and wires and steeples. And something in
him quickened--something that had never stirred before.
He turned with a horrid start, for the uneasiness had of a sudden leaped
within him like an animal. There was some one in the flat.
Instantly, with action--even this slight action--the fancy vanished;
but, all the same, he switched on the electric lights and made a search.
For it seemed to him that some one had crept up close behind him while
he stood there watching the night--some one, whose silent presence
fingered with unerring touch both this new thing that had quickened in
his heart and that sense of original deep uneasiness. He was amazed at
himself--angry--indignant that he could be thus foolishly upset over
nothing, yet at the same time profoundly distressed at this vehement
growth of a new thing in his well-ordered personality. Growth? He
dismissed the word the moment it occurred to him--but it had occurred to
him. It stayed. While he searched the empty flat, the long passages, the
gloomy bedroom at the end, the little hall where he kept his overcoats
and golf sticks, it stayed. Growth! It was oddly disquieting. Growth
to him involved, though he neither acknowledged nor recognized the truth
perhaps, some kind of undesirable changeableness, instability,
unbalance.
Yet singular as it all was, he realized that the uneasiness and the
sudden appreciation of beauty that was so new to him had both entered by
the same door into his being. When he came back to the front room he
noticed that he was perspiring. There were little drops of moisture on
his forehead. And down his spine ran chills, little, faint quivers of
cold. He was shivering.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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