The best short stories of 1920, and the yearbook of the American short story
General
The best short stories of 1920, and the yearbook of the American short story
American fiction -- 20th century; Short stories -- 20th century -- Bibliography; Short stories -- 20th century -- Indexes; Short stories, American
"Mother, come let's talk to one another. You think perhaps I have
stopped loving you. It isn't true. I love you deeply. All this is
breaking my heart. But how can I help it? Can't you see that I am young,
and my life all before me? The best of your life is behind you. You have
lived, I haven't. You have tasted the sweet mysteries of love, the
agonies of death and birth, the terrors of lonely struggle. And I must
have these, too. I am hungry for them. I can't help myself. I am like a
leaf in the wind, like a rain-drop in the storm.... How can you keep me
here? If you compel me, I'll become a shadow, all twisted and broken. I
won't be a man, but a helpless child. Perhaps I shall go out of my mind.
And what good will that do you? You will suffer more if I stay, than if
I go. Oh, understand me, mother, understand me!"
His mother began to cry. She spoke at first as she always spoke, and
then more like a mother in a poem.
"Understand? What do you understand? You know nothing about life. Oh, I
only wish you had children and your children turned against you! That's
the only way that you will ever learn.... I worked for you so hard. I
gave up everything for my children. And your father died, and I went on
alone, a woman with a great burden.... What sort of life have I had?
Sacrifice, toil, tears.... I skimped along. I wore the same dress year
after year, for five, six years.... I hung over your sickbeds, I taught
you at my knees. I have known the bitterness of child-bearing, and the
bitter cry of children.... I have fought alone for my little ones....
And you, Paul! You who were the darling of my heart, my little man, you
who said you would take your father's place and take care of me and of
your sisters and brother! You who were to repay me for everything; to
give me a future, to comfort my old age, the staff I leaned on, my
comfort, my son! I was proud of you as you grew up: so proud to see your
pride, and your ambition. I knew you would succeed, that you would have
fame and power and wealth, and I should be the proudest mother in the
world! This was my dream.... Now I see you a failure, one who cares for
nothing but self-indulgence and pleasure, a rolling stone, a flitter
from place to place, and I--I am an old woman, deserted, left alone to
wither in bitterness.... I gave everything to you--and you--you give
back despair, loneliness, anguish. I gave you life: you turn on me and
destroy me for the gift.... Oh, mother-love! What man will understand
it--the piercing anguish, the roots that clutch the deep heart?... I
feel the chill of death creeping over me...."
The tears rolled down Paul's cheeks. He pressed her hand now with both
of his.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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