"She would have come to care for me," Horace's thoughts ran on,
disjointedly. "I could have sworn that that last day of all--and her
people didn't seem to object to me. Her mother asked me cordially enough
to call on them when they were back in town. When I did----"
When he had called, there had been a difference--not an unusual sequel
to an acquaintanceship begun in a Continental watering-place. It was
difficult to define, but unmistakable--a certain formality and
constraint on Mrs. Futvoye's part, and even on Sylvia's, which seemed
intended to warn him that it is not every friendship that survives the
Channel passage. So he had gone away sore at heart, but fully
recognising that any advances in future must come from their side. They
might ask him to dinner, or at least to call again; but more than a
month had passed, and they had made no sign. No, it was all over; he
must consider himself dropped.
"After all," he told himself, with a short and anything but mirthful
laugh, "it's natural enough. Mrs. Futvoye has probably been making
inquiries about my professional prospects. It's better as it is. What
earthly chance have I got of marrying unless I can get work of my own?
It's all I can do to keep myself decently. I've no right to dream of
asking any one--to say nothing of Sylvia--to marry me. I should only be
rushing into temptation if I saw any more of her. She's not for a poor
beggar like me, who was born unlucky. Well, whining won't do any
good--let's have a look at Beevor's latest performance."
He spread out a large coloured plan, in a corner of which appeared the
name of "William Beevor, Architect," and began to study it in a spirit
of anything but appreciation.
"Beevor gets on," he said to himself. "Heaven knows that I don't grudge
him his success. He's a good fellow--though he _does_ build
architectural atrocities, and seem to like 'em. Who am I to give myself
airs? He's successful--I'm not. Yet if I only had his opportunities,
what wouldn't I make of them!"
Let it be said here that this was not the ordinary self-delusion of an
incompetent. Ventimore really had talent above the average, with ideals
and ambitions which might under better conditions have attained
recognition and fulfilment before this.
But he was not quite energetic enough, besides being too proud, to push
himself into notice, and hitherto he had met with persistent ill-luck.
So Horace had no other occupation now but to give Beevor, whose offices
and clerk he shared, such slight assistance as he might require, and it
was by no means cheering to feel that every year of this enforced
semi-idleness left him further handicapped in the race for wealth and
fame, for he had already passed his twenty-eighth birthday.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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