American fiction -- 20th century; Chicago (Ill.) -- Fiction; Journalists -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction
It was nonsense, of course. He was in no position to think about such
things, at all. And as for Rose-Ann, he had in the course of weeks
become as it were acclimated to her loveliness, so that it no longer
tormented him as at first. He was secretly proud of his
imperturbability. And if Rose-Ann’s companionship had lately grown more
disturbing than ever, it was for a very different reason. It was because
of her flattering and at the same time annoying expectations of him as
an artist—a poet—a creator. He attempted to deny any pretensions of this
sort; he tried to evade any discussion of art at all. But they had
formed the habit of going to the theater together, and he found it
impossible to resist talking with her about how plays should be written.
“Why don’t you write a really-and-truly play?” she asked, one night on
their way back to the Community House.
He attempted to turn the question aside. “Hawkins is writing one,
according to office gossip,” he said. Hawkins was the young dramatic
critic of the Chronicle.
“Well, if Hawkins can write a play—!” she said.
“All right,” he assented cheerfully, “I’ll wait and see if Hawkins can!”
“Don’t be silly,” she said. “You know what I think, Felix?”
“I never have any idea what you’re going to think. What is it this
time?”
“I think you’ve had your feelings hurt, somehow, back where you came
from. In regard to writing. Something has made you afraid to show what
you can do.”
There was something quaintly maternal in her manner which almost took
the sting out of that word _afraid_. But Felix hardened. “Well, why
don’t _you_ write a play?” he countered.
“Don’t be brutal, Felix. You know—and I know—that I’m not up to it. I
can do little things. I can’t do a big thing. And you can.”
“It’s nice of you to be so sure, Rose-Ann. But I’m not. Or rather, I’m
pretty sure I _can’t_. So there.”
“Why do you say that? It’s not true, and you know it.”
He wished Rose-Ann had not become so serious. They were walking home
through one of the first winter snows. A little while ago she had thrown
a fluffy snowball at him, and threatened to wash his face, reproaching
him for not being enough of a child. This was even more embarrassing. He
had an absurd fear that she would commence to talk to him about his
soul.... This was coming dangerously near to it. He scuffed up the soft
snow with his feet, while she looked sidewise at him waiting for a
reply.
“Rose-Ann, you make me uncomfortable,” he said at last. “This business
of having some one ‘believe’ in you isn’t what it’s cracked up to be in
the romances. It—it’s a damned nuisance. I’d be perfectly happy if you
didn’t come to me with your preposterous demands. I’m not the young
genius in ‘The Divine Fire.’ I’m a reporter on a Chicago newspaper. Of
course I want to write a play. Every young reporter wants to, I suppose.
And of course, since you insist upon it, I think I could. But what of
that? Every young reporter thinks the same thing.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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