The Burning Spear: Being the Experiences of Mr. John Lavender in the Time of WarGalsworthy, John
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The Burning Spear: Being the Experiences of Mr. John Lavender in the Time of War
Galsworthy, John
World War, 1914-1918 -- Humor, caricatures, etc.
“This is dreadful!” said Mr. Lavender in anguish, leaning far out.
“Blink! Blink!”
His cries were drowned in the roar of the car.
“Damn the brute!” muttered Joe, “at this rate she'll be over the edge in
'alf a mo'. Wherever does she think we are?”
“Blink! Blink!” wailed Mr. Lavender. “Get on, Joe, get on! She's gaining
on us!”
“Well I never see anything like this,” said Joe, “chasin' wot's chasing
you! Hi! Hi!”
Urged on by their shouts and the noise of the pursuing car, the poor dog
redoubled her efforts to rejoin her master, and Mr. Lavender, Joe, and
the car, which had begun to emit the most lamentable creaks and odours,
redoubled theirs.
“I shall bust her up,” said Joe.
“I care not!” cried Mr. Lavender. “I must recover the dog.”
They flashed through the outskirts of the Garden City. “Stop her, stop
her!” called Mr. Lavender to such of the astonished inhabitants as they
had already left behind. “This is a nightmare, Joe!”
“'It's a blinkin' day-dream,” returned Joe, forcing the car to an
expiring spurt.
“If she gets to that 'ill before we ketch 'er, we're done; the old
geyser can't 'alf crawl up 'ills.”
“We're gaining,” shrieked Mr. Lavender; “I can see her tongue.”
As though it heard his voice, the car leaped forward and stopped with a
sudden and most formidable jerk; the door burst open, and Mr. Lavender
fell out upon his sheep-dog.
Fortunately they were in the only bed of nettles in that part of the
world, and its softness and that of Blink assuaged the severity of his
fall, yet it was some minutes before he regained the full measure of his
faculties. He came to himself sitting on a milestone, with his dog on
her hind legs between his knees, licking his face clean, and panting
down his throat.
“Joe,” he said; “where are you?”
The voice of Joe replied from underneath the car: “Here sir. She's
popped.”
“Do you mean that our journey is arrested?”
“Ah! We're in irons. You may as well walk 'ome, sir. It ain't two miles.
“No! no!” said Mr. Lavender. “We passed the Garden City a little way
back; I could go and hold a meeting. How long will you be?”
“A day or two,” said Joe.
Mr. Lavender sighed, and at this manifestation of his grief his
sheep-dog redoubled her efforts to comfort him. “Nothing becomes one
more than the practice of philosophy,” he thought. “I always admired
those great public men who in moments of national peril can still dine
with a good appetite. We will sit in the car a little, for I have rather
a pain, and think over a speech.” So musing he mounted the car, followed
by his dog, and sat down in considerable discomfort.
“What subject can I choose for a Garden City?” he thought, and
remembering that he had with him the speech of a bishop on the subject
of babies, he dived into his bundle of literature, and extracting a
pamphlet began to con its periods. A sharp blow from a hammer on the
bottom of the car just below where Blink was sitting caused him to pause
and the dog to rise and examine her tiny tail.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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