The Burning Spear: Being the Experiences of Mr. John Lavender in the Time of WarGalsworthy, John
General
The Burning Spear: Being the Experiences of Mr. John Lavender in the Time of War
Galsworthy, John
World War, 1914-1918 -- Humor, caricatures, etc.
“Curious,” thought Mr. Lavender dreamily, “how Joe always does the right
thing in the wrong place. He is very English.” The hammering continued,
and the dog, who traced it to the omnipotence of her master, got up on
the seat where she could lick his face. Mr. Lavender was compelled to
stop.
“Joe,” he said, leaning out and down; “must you?”
The face of Joe, very red, leaned out and up. “What's the matter now,
sir?”
“I am preparing a speech; must you hammer?”
“No,” returned Joe, “I needn't.”
“I don't wish you to waste your time,” said Mr Lavender.
“Don't worry about that, sir,” replied Joe; “there's plenty to do.”
“In that case I shall be glad to finish my speech.”
Mr. Lavender resumed his seat and Blink her position on the floor, with
her head on his feet. The sound of his voice soon rose again in the car
like the buzzing of large flies. “'If we are to win this war we must
have an ever-increasing population. In town and countryside, in
the palace and the slum, above all in the Garden City, we must have
babies.'”
Here Blink, who had been regarding him with lustrous eyes, leaped on
to his knees and licked his mouth. Again Mr. Lavender was compelled to
stop.
“Down, Blink, down! I am not speaking to you. 'The future of our country
depends on the little citizens born now. I especially appeal to women.
It is to them we must look——'”
“Will you 'ave a glass, sir?”
Mr. Lavender saw before him a tumbler containing a yellow fluid.
“Joe,” he said sadly, “you know my rule——”
“'Ere's the exception, sir.”
Mr. Lavender sighed. “No, no; I must practise what I preach. I shall
soon be rousing the people on the liquor question, too.”
“Well, 'ere's luck,” said Joe, draining the glass. “Will you 'ave a
slice of 'am?”
“That would not be amiss,” said Mr. Lavender, taking Joe's knife with
the slice of ham upon its point. “'It is to them that we must look,'”
he resumed, “'to rejuvenate the Empire and make good the losses in the
firing-line.'” And he raised the knife to his mouth. No result followed,
while Blink wriggled on her base and licked her lips.
“Blink!” said Mr. Lavender reproachfully. “Joe!”
“Sir!”
“When you've finished your lunch and repaired the car you will find me
in the Town Hall or market-place. Take care of Blink. I'll tie her up.
Have you some string?”
Having secured his dog to the handle of the door and disregarded the
intensity of her gaze, Mr. Lavender walked back towards the Garden City
with a pamphlet in one hand and a crutch-handled stick in the other.
Restoring the ham to its nest behind his feet, Joe finished the bottle
of Bass. “This is a bit of all right!” he thought dreamily. “Lie down,
you bitch! Quiet! How can I get my nap while you make that row? Lie
down! That's better.”
Blink was silent, gnawing at her string. The smile deepened on Joe's
face, his head fell a little one side his mouth fell open a fly flew
into it.
“Ah!” he thought, spitting it out; “dog's quiet now.” He slept.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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