Family life -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Saving and investment -- Fiction
"Oh, no!" said Kitty, with a long-drawn o. "Nobody would be so mean
as to smuggle anything into the house, when the duty all goes to
dear little Bobberts. It is such fun to pay duty, just as if the
house was a real nation. It is like being part of the nation, and
you know we women are not that. We can't vote, nor anything, and a
chance like this is so rare that we enjoy it immensely. You didn't
think it was queer that I should go down so early in the morning to
get your collar and bring it in, did you?"
"Well, of course," said Billy, doubtfully, "it wasn't your collar,
you know. It was my collar."
"I know it was," Kitty admitted frankly, "but you know how little we
women can bring into the house. Hardly anything. We shop and shop,
but we hardly ever really buy anything, and all the time I am just
crazy to be paying duty, and to know whether it is ten per cent. or
thirty per cent., and all that, as if I was a man, and so, when I
happened to think of that collar that you had left down here on the
porch railing, I saw it was my chance, and I decided to come down
and get it and bring it into the house, so I could have the fun of
paying the duty on it. So I came down and got it. And just as I
reached the landing on my way up I met you, and I was so surprised
that I just handed the collar to you."
"Of course," said Billy. "That was just the way it was, except that
_I_ had just reached the landing on _my_ way up, when you handed me
the collar. _You_ couldn't have just reached the landing, because if
you had we would have been going up the stairs together, side by
side, and we were not doing that. _I_ was going up the stairs, and
just as I reached the landing you came from somewhere and handed me
the collar."
"Isn't that what I said?" asked Kitty sweetly. "It amounts to the
same thing, anyway, doesn't it? I had the collar, and you got it. I
suppose you paid the duty on it?"
"Me?" said Billy. "Not much! I didn't bring it into the house; you
brought it in. You have to pay the duty."
"I pay the duty on your collar?" laughed Kitty. "Well, I should
think I would not! I went down and got it for you, and that was
nothing but an act of kindness that anybody would do for anybody
else. You can pay your own duties."
"Oh, I sha'n't pay a duty on it!" scoffed Billy. "I didn't want the
collar. I didn't need it, and I refused to bring it into the house
on principle. I don't believe in tariff duties. I'm a free trader. I
wouldn't smuggle, and I wouldn't pay duty, and so I left it outside.
You should have left it there. You didn't leave it there, and so it
is your duty to pay the duty."
"Never!" declared Kitty.
For a few minutes they were silent, and Billy looked glumly at the
street. Then he cheered up suddenly. He looked at Kitty and smiled.
"I'll tell you what let's do!" he exclaimed. "Let's go out under the
tree and talk it over. We'll go out under the tree and talk it all
over. That is the only way we can settle it."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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