The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures, Bons Mots, Puns, and Hoaxes of Theodore HookHook, Theodore Edward
General
The Choice Humorous Works, Ludicrous Adventures, Bons Mots, Puns, and Hoaxes of Theodore Hook
Hook, Theodore Edward
English wit and humor
DEAR B.,--Here we are, after a short tower to Dip in France, in the
esteem packet the _Tarbut_--my fourth has been mylad, as the French
say, and was recommended a little voyage, and she picked up an old
bow, which talked to her in French, and called her a belley spree,
which I thought was impotence, but Lavinia said no, and reminded me
of judy spree, which is another gallowsism, as they style them--but
why they call this place green and young Hastings, which is old and
brown, I don't know--they are going, however, to move it about a mile
nearer Bexhill, to the stone where William the Third landed when he
had conquered the Normans--our old bow said it was a capital sight
for a town; but as yet I couldn't see much, although everybody is
taking the houses before they are built.
We was a-staying with a couzen of mine near Lewis, before we crossed
the sea--he is married, and has a firm hornee, which his wife calls
a Russen hurby, it is so close to the town, and yet so uncommon
rural--the sheep he has, is called marinos, because it is near the
sea; and their wool is so fine that they fold them up every night,
which I had no notion of--they have two sorts of them, one, which
they call the fine weather mutton, stays out all night, I believe,
and the other doesn't. But the march of intellect is agoing on, for
the dirty boys about the farm-yard, they told me, are sent to Harrow,
and the sheep themselves have their pens found them every night; what
to do I don't know, and I never like to ask--at Battle, where there
is an old abbé living--we did not see him--they have built a large
chapel for the Unicorns; I scarcely know what sex they are--I know
the Whistling Methodists, because when Mr. Ram and I was young we
used to go to the meetin, and hear them preach like anything--there's
a great deal of religion in Sussex of one sort and another.
My eldest, Mrs. Fulmer, has come here for her a-coach-man--Fulmer
wishes it may be a mail, because what they have already is all gurls;
if it hadn't been for that, I should have gone to Mrs. Grimsditch's
soreye at Hackney last week, when I was to have been done out as
Alderman Wenables, but I was obliged to be stationary here. I was
so sorry to see in the noosepapers that when the Lord High Admiral
exhibited his feet on the 18th of June, Maria Wood was dressed up so
strange; they said that after she had been painted, and some part of
her scraped clean from duck weed, they tied flags to her stays, and
put a Jack into her head, which I think quite wrong, because them
Jacks is uncommon insinuating.
I see that in Portingal Don Myjewel has got three estates, but they
cannot be very grand ones, if they produces only a crown; however,
I don't know what they mean in that country, only as they call him
real, I suppose he is the rightful king--I don't henvy him, Mr.
B.--there's many happier than them as sets upon thorns, though they
be gilded ones.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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