“You did not quite mean, did you, that the dullness, the boredom, is
all the time present with you? Only sometimes? It is very puzzling
to believe ennui of you who seem so alert. You are very brave at
concealing it,--you must know the remedy better than I do, for it is
one of the things that have not been chosen for me to bear, for I still
get up in the morning expecting new things to happen. I did this very
day.”
Involuntary mocking pulled at her lips. “New things _are_ happening to
us both to-day!”
“Yes!” he murmured, while his face was shadowed, then reverting, “To be
dull every day! It seems to me almost the saddest thing you have said
to me! I wish it were not so! I wish I had the right word to say for
that!”
He sat silent, hesitant and doubtful.
“Henry, say out to me all that you have in mind to say. I need it.
There are no veils left!”
His face grew clear with light.
“You are looking into dreams again!” she cried, “but now tell me what
you see!”
“What I see for you?”
“Yes, that belongs to me now.”
“I think I see for you what might be,” he began hesitant.
“Mysteriously, there is in you still the power of effort together with
the power of wisdom. It seems to me that it is like a cup in your hand,
your influence. And if it should be all in vain,--I know to-day that
much we desire to do must be in vain. We understand that together, you
and I. I feel, you know, as if the soul of a man and the soul of a town
were in your keeping for a little while,--if you should take them,
might it not be that new thing you want? Might it not bring you joy and
forgetting? My work has meant that to me. And I know it is very lonely
if one never forgets. And even if it were all in vain, might it not be
life and hope to you, Lucy? I do not want to preach any preachments,
you know that, surely. I can only tell you what I have lived. Perhaps
I have never lived in reality--I half guess it this evening, looking
back, and looking forward, seeing all that I have not done. It isn’t
very easy to grow old, not easy for anyone to feel the body breaking
beyond mending, and to see all that is unfinished, but I believe, Lucy,
an enthusiasm is the one thing to keep us warm, us old ones. I’ve done
a plentiful amount of failing, but I wish I could succeed in one thing
now,--I wish God would let me give you the word of joy to-night!”
It was so quiet in the old room, that low-lighted space, four-square,
swung out upon the night. The Bishop’s long fingers passed slowly
across his brow, trying to smooth away that darkness which seemed
shutting in upon his brain.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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