The Clean HeartHutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
Science
The Clean Heart
Hutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth)
Authors -- Fiction; Happiness -- Fiction
"Why, much in the same," returned Mr. Puddlebox. "Taking what comes,
and if need be, which it is my constant prayer it need not, turning
my hand to work, of which there is plenty. There is bread and
raiment in every house, some for asking, some for working, and always
some to get rid of me when I begin to work. What there is not in
every house, boy, is whisky, and it is for that my brow has to sweat
when, as now, my bottle is empty. But there are," continued Mr.
Puddlebox, beginning to wriggle in his seat and draw up his legs with
the evident intention of standing upon them, "there are, happily, or,
curse me, unhappily, other ways of getting whisky; and the first is
never to lose an opportunity of looking for it."
Mr. Puddlebox's feet were now upon the tail-board and he was
clutching at the sacks, in great exertion to stand upright.
"What now?" inquired Mr. Wriford, beginning to laugh again.
"Why, to look for it," said Mr. Puddlebox. "In every new and likely
place I always look for whisky. If none, I sing very heartily 'O ye
disappointments' and am the better both for the praise and for the
fact there is none. If some, I am both grateful and, curse me,
happy. The top of these sacks is a new place, my loony, and a very
likely. Our kind coachman, as I observed, wore no coat and had no
bundle, nor were these beside him. They are likely on top."
"I'll come with you," said Mr. Wriford. "It's a devil of a climb."
"It's a devil of a prize," responded Mr. Puddlebox, "if it's there."
It proved to be both the one and the other. The sacks, stacked in
ridges, provided steps of a sort, but each was of prodigious height,
of very brief foothold, and the sacks so tightly stuffed as to afford
but a scraping, digging hold for the fingers. When to these
difficulties was added the swaying of the whole as the wagon jolted
along, there was caused on the part of the climbers much panic
clutching at each other, at the ropes which bound the sacks, and at
the sacks themselves, together with much blowing and sounds of fear
from Mr. Puddlebox, vastly incommoded by his bulging coattails, and
much hysterical mirth from Mr. Wriford, incommoded no little by
laughter at the absurdity of the escapade and at imagination of the
grotesque spectacle they must present as they swarmed.
He was first to reach the summit. "By Jove, there's a coat here,
anyway!" he cried.
Mr. Puddlebox bulged up and plunged forward on his face with a last
convulsive scramble. "And, by my sins, a bottle!" cried Mr.
Puddlebox, drawing the coat aside. "Beer, I fear me--a filling and
unsatisfactory drink." He drew the cork and applied his nose.
"Whisky!" and applied his mouth.
"Good Lord!" cried Mr. Wriford, astonished at a thought that came to
him with the length of Mr. Puddlebox's drink. "Man alive! Do you
drink it neat?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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