The Clicking of CuthbertWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Clicking of Cuthbert
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Golf stories; Humorous stories
I was resting in the lobby of our hotel after a strenuous day's work,
when I found that I was being paged. I answered the summons, and was
informed that a lady wished to see me. Her card bore the name "Miss
Amelia Merridew." Amelia! The name seemed familiar. Then I remembered.
Amelia was the name of the girl Vincent Jopp intended to marry, the
fourth of the long line of Mrs. Jopps. I hurried to present myself, and
found a tall, slim girl, who was plainly labouring under a considerable
agitation.
"Miss Merridew?" I said.
"Yes," she murmured. "My name will be strange to you."
"Am I right," I queried, "in supposing that you are the lady to whom
Mr. Jopp----"
"I am! I am!" she replied. "And, oh, what shall I do?"
"Kindly give me particulars," I said, taking out my pad from force of
habit.
She hesitated a moment, as if afraid to speak.
"You are caddying for Mr. Jopp in the Final tomorrow?" she said at
last.
"I am."
"Then could you--would you mind--would it be giving you too much
trouble if I asked you to shout 'Boo!' at him when he is making his
stroke, if he looks like winning?"
I was perplexed.
"I don't understand."
"I see that I must tell you all. I am sure you will treat what I say as
absolutely confidential."
"Certainly."
"I am provisionally engaged to Mr. Jopp."
"Provisionally?"
She gulped.
"Let me tell you my story. Mr. Jopp asked me to marry him, and I would
rather do anything on earth than marry him. But how could I say 'No!'
with those awful eyes of his boring me through? I knew that if I said
'No', he would argue me out of it in two minutes. I had an idea. I
gathered that he had never played golf, so I told him that I would
marry him if he won the Amateur Championship this year. And now I find
that he has been a golfer all along, and, what is more, a plus man! It
isn't fair!"
"He was not a golfer when you made that condition," I said. "He took up
the game on the following day."
"Impossible! How could he have become as good as he is in this short
time?"
"Because he is Vincent Jopp! In his lexicon there is no such word as
impossible."
She shuddered.
"What a man! But I can't marry him," she cried. "I want to marry
somebody else. Oh, won't you help me? Do shout 'Boo!' at him when he is
starting his down-swing!"
I shook my head.
"It would take more than a single 'boo' to put Vincent Jopp off his
stroke."
"But won't you try it?"
"I cannot. My duty is to my employer."
"Oh, do!"
"No, no. Duty is duty, and paramount with me. Besides, I have a bet on
him to win."
The stricken girl uttered a faint moan, and tottered away.
* * * * *
I was in our suite shortly after dinner that night, going over some of
the notes I had made that day, when the telephone rang. Jopp was out at
the time, taking a short stroll with his after-dinner cigar. I unhooked
the receiver, and a female voice spoke.
"Is that Mr. Jopp?"
"Mr. Jopp's secretary speaking. Mr. Jopp is out."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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