Pigs is from ancient times. When a pig is fed it slobbers. But my father he says that when you are a going to be killed in the fall of the year whats the use of bein a gentleman jest for such a little time? Some pigs which go to fairs are so fat that you cant tell which is the head till you set down a bucket of slops, and then the end which swings around and points at it like a campus, that is it. One time a feller was drivin a pig through our town with a string tied to one of its hind feets. The feller fastened the string to a telegraph pole and went in a saloon for to get some beer, and Jack Brily he let the pig loose and tied a smoked ham in its place. When the feller come out he untied the string from the telegraph pole and wound it around his wrist, and then he looked in the weeds for his pig. He looked at the ham, and then he looked up at the telgraph wire, and then he said: “Lectricity is gum dasted fire! Ide jest like to get my hands on to the man which sent that last dispatch!” One day a boy which went in a butcher shop had busted a button off his jacket and was playin with it. He snapt it in some sossage meat and then he didnt dare to ask for it out. Next day the boys father was to the butchers house for dinner and they had sossage, cause the butcher he knew the boys father was crazy fond of it, but the boys father he got the brass button in his mouth. He took it out and looked at it a long time, and then he said: “Excuse me, but where did you get the pig which this sausage is made out of?” The butch he said: “I disremember.” Then the man he weeped and said, a other time: “Excuse me, but I guess you got the wrong pig by the ear and have chopt up my little Charley.” The butch he was astonish, but he thought the man was crazy and must be yumored, so he said, the butch did: “Thats a fact, but it was a mistake, and if you wont say nothing about it I will give you a other boy.” The man he brightend up and said: “Thats pretty fair, but excuse me, fore we talk business I will jest help my self to a other plate of this one.” Big pigs is hogs and the she one is a sow, but if I was a hog Ide look a little higher for a wife, cause the Bible it says they shall be one flesh. Mister Gipple which was one time a missionary preacher in Afca, he said: “Johnny, di ever tell you about Mumboogla?” I said no he didnt, and he said: “Mumboogla has ten thousand hundred folks and is noted for its king, which is the fattest and blackest in the world. When I went there for to spread the light the king he sent for me and said: ‘What new fangle religion is this which you are a preachin?’ “I xpounded the livin faith to him a long while and he listened mighty polite, but when I had got done he spoke up and said, the king did: ‘If you had come last week I would have made all my peoples be Christians, but it is too late, for the scales have fell from our eyes and we are now worshipers of the Ever Lastin Truth!’