ENVOY FISCHER—Haf your Egcellenzy not vas inform of vhat I vants? P. MCK.—My Secretary of State says you bear a petition for promoting missionary work in Africa, but he is a great diplomat and not always to be believed. E. F.—Your Egcellenzy, I coom to ask for Amerigan onterventionings between der Soud Ofrigan Ropoobligs und der dom Preetish. P. MCK.—Jeewhillikins! E. F.—Vas? P. MCK.—Did my Secretary of State know that? And he let you in? E. F.—Yaw, your Egcellenzy. P. MCK.—Well, I’ll be gam doodled!—pardon; I mean I’ll be delighted. We call it gam doodled. E. F.—Yaw, I shbeak der Amerigan longvidge very goot meinself all der vhile somdimes yet. P. MCK.—Beautifully. E. F.—Der Soud Ofrigan Ropoobligs dey sooffer demselfs mooch. As your Segretary of Shtate he say, Gread Bridain she don’d do a teeng to us. Sheneral Yowbert—— P. MCK.—Zhoobair. E. F.—Yowbert he is die of belly ache again, und Sheneral Cronje gif oop som more, und Sheneral Botha he droonk like a fittler’s—— P. MCK.—And larrups the soldiers with a slambangbok. E. F.—Yaw, yaw, und Bresident Kruger he vas vun olt ladies, und der Preetish is aferyvheres, und Vebster Dafis don’d vas wort his monies, und—— P. MCK.—“Oond,” in short, you fellows are licked out of your boots. E. F.—Vas? P. MCK.—I was saying that, in the sympathetic judgment of this country, your admirable people are experiencing an unforeseen adversity. E. F.—Lort Roperts haf onvaded our sagred soil und he vil nod led go. P. MCK.—My great and good friend, pardon me, but didn’t your people begin that? E. F.—We haf tvice unpology made, but Lort Soolsbury he vill not occept. P. MCK.—How strange! E. F.—Ve oppeals on der great und goot Yongee heart, vich lofes us. It vas vun grand receptions vich der Amerigan beobles vas gif us under Ny Yark som day! P. MCK.—Yes, it was. I have here a list of names of the Reception Committee, which [_enter Secretary Gage_] I will read to you. [_Reads_]. SECRETARY GAGE—Mr. President, may I ask if that list of names was copied from the books of the Commissioner of Immigration at Ellis Island? P. MCK.—O, no: they are names of exponents of American public sentiment. They “received” this honest gentleman. S. G. (_eyeing honest gentleman_)—Well, I fancy it would be more blessed to give him than receive. E. F.—But, your Egcellenza, shall ve haf der onterventionings alreaty yet? I burn mit ombatience! P. MCK. (_to servant_)—The gentleman burns. Put him out. [_Exit Envoy Fischer, pursued._] VOICES (_within_)—Hurrah! Hurrah for the Boer Republic! P. MCK.—There must be an unusual number of Congressmen in the waiting room. THE ORDEAL _An Historian._ _Clio._ HISTORIAN (_writing_)—“The Yanko-Spanko war was brief, but very destructive. In the two or three months that it lasted the Americans had more than three thousand soldiers and a half-dozen sailors killed by the Spaniards and—”