CHAER. D'ye know then who she is? Tell me!--or have you seen her? PAR. Yes, I've seen her; I know her; and can tell you where she is. CHAER. How! my dear Parmeno, d'ye know her? PAR. Yes. CHAER. And where she is, d'ye know? PAR. Yes,--there she is; (_Pointing._) Carried to Madam Thais for a present. CHAER. What monarch could bestow a gift so precious? PAR. The mighty Captain Thraso, Phaedria's rival. CHAER. Alas, poor brother! PAR. Aye, and if you knew The gift he sends to be compar'd with this, You'd cry alas, indeed! CHAER. What is his gift? PAR. An Eunuch. CHAER. What! that old and ugly slave That he bought yesterday? PAR. The very same. CHAER. Why, surely, he'll be trundled out o' doors He and his gift together--I ne'er knew Till now that Thais was our neighbor. PAR. She Has not been long so. CHAER. Ev'ry way unlucky: Ne'er to have seen her neither:--Prithee, tell me, Is she so handsome, as she's said to be? PAR. Yes, faith! CHAER. But nothing to compare to mine. PAR. Oh, quite another thing. CHAER. But Parmeno! Contrive that I may have her. PAR. Well, I will. Depend on my assistance:--have you any Further commands? (_As if going._) CHAER. Where are you going? PAR. Home; To bring according to your brother's order, The slaves to Thais. CHAER. Oh, that happy Eunuch! To be convey'd into that house! PAR. Why so? CHAER. Why so? why, he shall have that charming girl His fellow-servant, see her, speak with her, Be with her in the same house all day long, And sometimes eat, and sometimes sleep by her. PAR. And what if you should be so happy? CHAER. How? Tell me, dear Parmeno! PAR. Assume his dress. CHAER. His dress! what then? PAR. I'll carry you for him. CHAER. I hear you. PAR. I will say that you are he. CHAER. I understand you. PAR. So shall you enjoy Those blessings which but now you envied him: Eat with her, be with her, touch, toy with her, And sleep by her: since none of Thais' maids Know you, or dream of what you are. Besides, Your figure, and your age are such, that you May well pass for an Eunuch. CHAER. Oh, well said! I ne'er heard better counsel. Come, let's in? Dress me, and carry me! Away, make haste! PAR. What are you at? I did but jest. CHAER. You trifle. PAR. I'm ruin'd: fool, what have I done? Nay, whither D'ye push me thus? You'll throw me down. Nay, stay! CHAER. Away. PAR. Nay, prithee! CHAER. I'm resolv'd. PAR. Consider; You carry this too far. CHAER. No, not at all. Give way! PAR. And Parmeno must pay for all. Ah, we do wrong! CHAER. Is it then wrong for me To be convey'd into a house of harlots, And turn those very arts on them, with which They hamper us, and turn our youth to scorn? Can it be wrong for me too, in my turn, To deceive them, by whom we're all deceiv'd? No, rather let it be! 'tis just to play This trick upon them: which, if gray-beards know, They'll blame indeed, but all will think well done.