The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
John, who had so lately eaten humble pie, soon began to regard his
promises as the pie-crust, which he commenced breaking very rapidly.
Wishing, however, to carry the war into France, he required the services
of his barons, who were very reluctant to aid him, and he had got as far
as Jersey, when happening to look behind him, he perceived that he had
scarcely any followers. He had started with a tolerable number, but they
turned back sulkily by degrees, without his being aware of it until
he arrived at Jersey, when he was preparing to turn himself round, and
perceived that his _suite_ had dwindled down to a few mercenaries, who
hung on to his skirts merely for the sake of what he had got in his
pockets. Becoming exceedingly angry, he wheeled suddenly back, and
vented his spite in burning and ravaging everything that crossed his
path. He was in a flaming passion, for he set fire to all the buildings
on the road till he reached Northampton, where Langton overtook him,
and taxed him with the violation of his oath. "Mind your own business,"
roared the king, "and leave me to manage mine;" but Langton would not
take an answer of that kind, and stuck to him all the way to Nottingham,
where the prelate, according to his own quaint phraseology, "went at
him again" with more success than formerly. John issued summonses to the
barons, and Langton hastened to see them in London, where he drew up a
strong affidavit by which they all swore to be true to each other, and
to their liberties.
John was still apprehensive of the hostility of the pope, which might
have been fatal at this juncture, had not Cardinal Nicholas arrived in
the nick of time, namely, on the 12th of September, 1213, to take
off the interdict. The court of Rome thus executed a sort of
_chassez-croisez_, by going over to the side of John, but Langton did
not desert his old partner, liberty. In the following year the English
king was defeated at the battle of Bouvines, one of the most tremendous
affrays recorded in history. Salisbury, surnamed Longsword, was captured
by that early specimen of the church militant, the Bishop of Beauvais,
who, because it was contrary to the canons of the Church for him to shed
blood, fought with a ponderous club, by which he knocked the enemy on
the head, and acquired the name of the stunning bishop. He banged about
him in such style, that he might have been eligible for the see of
Bangor, had his ambition pointed in that direction. John obtained a
truce; but the discontented barons had already placed a rod in pickle
for him, and on the 20th day of November, they held a crowded meeting at
St. Edmund's Bury, which was adjourned until Christmas. At that festive
season, John found himself eating his roast beef entirely alone, for
nobody called to wish him joy, or partake his pudding.
[Illustration: 138]
After dining by himself, at Worcester, he started for London, making
sure of a little-gaiety at boxing-time, in the great metropolis.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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