The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
Nobody, however, took the slightest notice of him until one day the
whole of the barons came to him in a body, to pay him a morning visit.
Surprised at the largeness of the party, he was somewhat cool, but on
hearing that they had come for liberty, he declared that he would not
allow any liberty to be taken while he continued king of England. The
party remained firm with one or two exceptions, when John began to
shiver as if attacked with ague, and he went on blowing hot and cold
as long as he could, until pressed by the barons for an answer to their
petition. He then replied evasively, "Why--yes--no; let me see--ha!
exactly--stop! Well, I don't know, perhaps so--'pon honour;" and
ultimately obtained time until Easter, to consider the proposals that
were made to him. The confederated barons had no sooner got outside the
street-door than John began to think over the means of circumventing
them. As they separated on the threshold, to go to their respective
homes, it was evident from the gestures and countenances of the group
that there had been a difference of opinion as to the policy of granting
John the time he had requested. A bishop and two barons, who had turned
recreants at the interview, and receded from their claims, were of
course severely bullied by the rest of the confederates, on quitting
the royal presence. At length the day arrived, in Easter week, when the
barons were to go for an answer to the little Bill--of Rights--which
they had left with John at the preceding Christmas. They met at
Stamford, where they got up a grand military spectacle, including two
thousand knights and an enormous troop of auxiliaries. The king, who
was at Oxford, sent off Cardinal Langton, with the Earls of Pembroke and
Warrenne, as a deputation, who soon returned with a schedule of terrific
length, containing a catalogue of grievances, which the barons declared
they would have remedied.
[Illustration: 139]
John flew into one of his usual passions, tearing his long hair, and
rapidly pacing his chamber with the skirt of his robe thrown over his
left arm, while, with his right hand, he shook his fist at vacancy. The
deputation could merely observe calmly, "We have done our part of the
business: that is what the barons want;" and a roll of parchment was
instantly allowed to run out to its full length at the foot of the
enraged sovereign. John took up the document and pretended to inspect
it with much minuteness, muttering to himself, "No, I don't see it
down," upon which Langton asked the sovereign what he was looking for.
"I was searching," sarcastically roared the tyrant, "for the crown,
which I fully expected to find scheduled as one of the items I am called
upon to surrender." This led to some desultory conversation, in the
course of which the king made some evasive offers, which the barons
would not accept, and the latter, appointing Robert Fitz-Walter as their
general, at once commenced hostilities.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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