The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
As Christmas, 1216, was close at hand, a truce was arranged, to enable
each party to enjoy the holidays. Louis took advantage of the vacation
to go to Paris to consult his father Philip, who, like a modern French
king of the same name, was remarkable for his tact in doing the best
for his own family. On his return to England, Louis encountered some
hostility from the hardy mariners of the Cinque Ports--the Deal and
Dover boatmen of that day--but reaching Sandwich, he got over the flats
with the usual facility. He however spitefully burned the town to the
ground, merely because it was one of the Cinque Ports, which had turned
crusty at his approach, though it was hardly fair of him to mull the
only port that did not prove too strong for him. Hostilities were
continued on both sides with varying success, until the Count de la
Perche, a French general, flushed with a recent triumph at Mount Sorel,
in Leicester, determined to attack the Castle of Lincoln. He would
probably have succeeded, but for the resistance of a woman, the widow
of the late keeper of the castle, who, with the obstinacy of her sex,
refused to surrender. The Count de la Perche, ashamed of being beaten by
one of the gentler sex, continued the attack, and refusing to quit the
town, found himself involved in a series of street rows of the most
alarming character.
Pembroke having collected a large force, sent part of it into the castle
by the back garden gate, and the other part into the town, so that poor
de la Perche found it impossible to move either one way or the other.
The English literally gave it him right and left till he died; and after
falling upon the almost defenceless French, they gave the name of "the
fair of Lincoln" to a battle about as unfair as any recorded in the
pages of history.
This event, which came off on the 20th of May, 1217, was followed in
June by a conference which, like Panton Square, led to nothing. Louis
made one more attempt upon Dover, but he had no means to carry on the
war, and he was obliged to raise the siege, as he could not raise the
money. He hastened to London, which he had no sooner entered than
the English shut the gates and locked him in; while the pope sent a
tremendous bull down upon him, to add to his annoyances. Louis began to
feel that he had had quite enough of it, and being anxious for a little
peace, he proposed one to Pembroke. The terms were soon agreed upon, but
Louis was detained in town some little time for want of the money to
pay his debts and his journey home again. The citizens of London forming
themselves into a loan society, advanced a few pounds to the French
prince, who deserves some credit for not having taken French leave of
his creditors. By the terms of the treaty he surrendered all his claims
upon the English crown, which seems to have been rather a superfluous
sacrifice, as he had been trying it on for some time, and found that the
cap never fitted.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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