The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
EDWARD was the first king who came to the throne like a gentle-man,
without any of that indecent clutching of the crown and sacking of
the treasury which had been practised by almost every one of his
predecessors. Perhaps his absence from England was the chief cause of
this forbearance; but it is at all events refreshing to meet with a
sovereign whose accession was not marked by a burglary upon the premises
where the public treasure happened to be deposited.
On the 20th of November, 1272, four days after his father's death,
Edward was proclaimed king by the barons at the New Temple. It was
probably under the shade of the old fig-tree in Fig-Tree Court, that
they read his titles of King of England, Lord of Ireland, and Duke of
Aquitaine. Edward had been engaged in the crusades, as one of those
fighting missionaries who conveyed "sermons in stones" through the
medium of slings, and knocked unbelief literally upon the head with the
Christian battle-axe. One day he nearly lost his life, by the hands
of an assassin, disguised as a postman from the Emir of Jaffa, who,
feigning a wish to be converted, had opened a correspondence with
Edward.
The English prince was lying in his _robe-de-chambre_ on a couch, when
the usual salaam--the emir's postman's knock--was made at the door of
his apartment. The messenger had brought a letter, of which Edward had
scarcely broken the wax, when his doom was nearly sealed by a blow from
a dagger, hidden in the postman's sleeve. The prince parried the attack
with his arms, which were his only weapons, until, wresting the dirk
from his assailant's hands, he used it to put a period to the existence
of the would-be murderer, by a process of punctuation which no
grammarian has attempted to describe.
Edward's wound was not deep, but his enemies had been deep enough to
introduce some venom into it. When he heard the fact he gave himself
up to despair, for he considered that his existence was irretrievably
poisoned. A romantic story is told of Queen Eleanor having sucked the
poison from her husband's arm, but it is quite certain that such succour
was never afforded him, and the anecdote is therefore not worth the
straw that the operation would have required.
[Illustration: 162]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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