The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
Edward, having settled his dispute with France, had time to turn his
attention to Scotland, which had always been his "great difficulty," as
Ireland became the "great difficulty" to England at a later period. The
English king advanced against the Scotch in a sort of hop-scotch style,
first making for the North, then returning to the South, or going to
the East, in a zig-zag direction. The Scots soon surrendered, and were
allowed to go scot-free, with a very few exceptions. Stirling Castle
proved itself possessed of sterling qualities. It held out against the
besiegers with determined obstinacy, and Edward himself came to assist
by throwing stones, which caused the remark to be made that the king had
been brought to a very pretty pitch through the audacity of the Scotch
rebels. When the provisions were exhausted, the garrison made an
unprovisional surrender, and the governor gave out that he gave in, with
all his companions. Wallace, having been betrayed into Edward's power,
was cruelly murdered; but within six months of his death, Liberty, like
a new-born infant, was in arms once more in Scotland. Robert Bruce,
the grandson of old Bruce, was the new champion of his native land, and
intrusted his scheme to Comyn. The latter proved treacherous, and Bruce,
seeing what was Comyn, or rather, what Comyn was, killed him right off
out of the way, in a convent at Dumfries. Young Bruce having mustered
a party of about a dozen friends, took an excursion with them to Scone,
where, in the course of a kind of picnic party, he was crowned on the
27th of March, 1306, with some solemnity. Edward was at Winchester when
he heard the news, and, though very far from well, he determined on
being carried to Scotland. Like John, who had been dragged about the
country in a horse-box till within a few hours of his death, Edward was
packed on a litter and conveyed with care to Carlisle, whence he wished
to be forwarded to Scotland. Making a desperate effort, he mounted his
horse, and went six miles in four days, a pace which could only have
been performed by an equestrian prodigy; for the slowest animal, unless
he were a determined jibber, could scarcely have accomplished a task so
difficult. * This anything but "rapid act of horsemanship" was the last
act of Edward's reign, for having got to Burgh upon the Sands, he found
the sand of his existence had run out, on the 7th of July, 1307. He had
lived sixty-eight years, and had reigned during half that time; so that
for him the stream of life had been a sort of half and half--an equal
mixture--crowned by a frothy, foamy diadem. His remains were, some short
time afterwards, sent to Westminster, _via_ Waltham, and were buried on
the 8th of October, with those of his father Henry.
* It is possible that the horse hired by the king on this
occasion may have been accustomed to draw a fly, the owner
of which may have been in the habit of charging by the hour.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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