The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
The Scotch continued their successes until a truce was agreed upon for
two years, and thus Edward had leisure to look after domestic affairs,
which had been fearfully neglected. Since the death of Gaveston, the
royal favourite, there had been just room for one in the not very
capacious heart of the English sovereign. A certain Hugh Spencer had
been introduced to the court by the barons, as a sort of page, to act
as a spy upon the king, and it is a curious fact, that the spencer, or
jacket, has been the characteristic of the page from that time to the
present. Hugh Spencer had a shrewd father, who advised his son to care
no more for the barons, who had got him his place, but to work it to his
own advantage, and make the most of the perquisites.
Young Hugh, taking the parental hint, determined on booking himself for
the inside place in Edward's heart, which has been already alluded to as
vacant. Not only did he succeed in his design, but contrived to take
up his old father, and carry him along as a sort of outside passenger.
Riches and promotion were showered on the Spencers, who adopted a coat
of arms, and made themselves Despencers, by prefixing the syllable
_de_, which can impart a particle of aristocracy to the most plebeian
of patronymics. The Despencers had obtained such influence over the king
that he allowed them to do as they pleased; and as they took all the
good things to themselves, the nobles--who were getting nothing--began
to evince considerable anxiety for the public interest.
The Earl of Lancaster, a prince of the blood, felt his order insulted
by the promotion of the two plebeians, and he one day energetically
exclaimed, "that Spencers could not have anything in tail, though the
king might try to fasten it on to them." Lancaster marched upon London,
and pitched his tent in Holborn, among the hills that abound in that
locality. He gave out jocularly, that "he had come to baste a couple of
Spencers, by trimming their jackets," but he was saved the trouble by
a Parliament, which met armed at Westminster, and passed on the two
Despencers a sentence of banishment.
They were accordingly exiled in August, but came back in October,
presenting an instance of a quick return without the smallest profit.
Lancaster retired to the north, and was met at Boroughbridge by Sir
Simon Ward and Sir Andrew Barclay, a couple of stout English knights,
who stopped up the passage. Lancaster endeavoured to swim across the
river, but the tide had turned against him, and he was taken prisoner.
The unfortunate earl having been tried, was condemned to an ignominious
death, and the mob were allowed to pelt him with mud on his way to
execution,--a privilege of which a generous public took the fullest
advantage.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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