The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
The Constable of France, on hearing what had occurred, retired to St.
Pol, like a poltroon, and sent heralds to Henry, advising him to avoid a
battle, for the French fully intended to give it him. The constable then
fell back upon Agincourt, in which direction the English army prepared
to follow him. On the 24th of October, Henry and his soldiers came in
sight of the enemy's outposts, and their columns served as advertising
columns to indicate their position. During the night it is said that
the English played on their trumpets, so that the whole neighbourhood
resounded with the noise; but as they were all very tired, and had gone
to sleep, it is probable that the only music heard by the inhabitants
emanated from the nasal organs of the slumbering soldiers. By the French
the night was passed in noise and revelry; but the English were
chiefly absorbed in repose, or occupied in making their last wills
and testaments. These were far more suitable employments than the
performance of those concerted pieces which would only have disconcerted
the plans of their leaders.
The moon, which on that occasion was up all night, enabled the English
officers to ascertain the quality of the ground that the French
occupied. The constable stuck the royal banner into the middle of the
Calais road, an achievement which the muddy nature of the soil, rendered
softer by the drizzly rain, prevented from being at all difficult. The
French took the usual means of counteracting the effect of external wet
by internal soaking. "Every man," says the chronicler, "dydde drynke
lyke a fyshe," though the simile does not hold, for we never yet found
one of the finny tribe who was given to the sort of liquor that the
French were imbibing before Agincourt. They passed round the cup so
rapidly that, what with the clayey nature of the soil and the whirl
of excitement into which their heads were thrown, they found it almost
impossible to preserve their respective equilibria. They floundered
about in the most disgraceful manner, and there was "many a slip 'twixt
the cup and the lip" on that memorable occasion. In addition to the
excesses of the table, they availed themselves of the resources of the
multiplication table, by calculating the amount of ransoms they should
receive for the English king and the great barons, whom they made sure
of capturing. Thus, in the agreeable but delusive occupation of turning
their imaginations into poultry-yards, and stocking them with ideal
chickens that were never destined to be hatched, did the French pass the
night before the battle. Still, there was a melancholy mixed with the
mirth in the minds of many, who, in the midst of the general counting
of the phantom pullets, found sad thoughts to brood over. It so happened
that there were scarcely any musical instruments among the French, and
their horses, it was remarked, never once neighed during the night,
which was thought to be ominous of bad, for if a dismal foreboding
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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