The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
In the year 893, however, the Danes under Hasting, having ravaged
all France, and eaten up every morsel of food they could find in that
country, were compelled to come over to England in search of a meal.
A portion of the invaders in two hundred and fifty ships, landed near
Romney Marsh, at a river called Limine, and there being no one to oppose
them in Limine, they proceeded to Appledore. Hasting, with eighty sail,
took Milton; but he was soon routed out, and cutting across the Thames,
he removed to Banfleet, which was only "over the way;" where he was
broken in upon by Alderman Ethelred at the head of some London citizens.
The cockney cohorts seized the wife and two sons of Hasting, who would
have been killed but for the magnanimity of Alfred, though it has been
hinted that in sending them back to his foe, the Saxon king calculated
that as women and children are only in the way when business is going
forward, their presence might add to the embarrassments of the Danish
chieftain. That such was really the case, may be gleaned from the fact
that on a subsequent occasion Hasting and his followers were compelled
to leave their wives and families behind them in the river Lea, into
which the Danish fleet had sailed when Alfred ingeniously drew all
the water off, and left the enemy literally aground. This manouvre was
accomplished partially by digging three channels from the Lea to the
Thames, and partially by the removal of the water in buckets, though
the bucket got very frequently kicked by those engaged in this perilous
enterprise.
The river Lea would have been sufficiently deep for the purposes of
Hasting had not Alfred been deeper still, and the fleet, which had been
the floating capital of the Danes, became a deposit in the banks for the
benefit of the Saxons. In the spring of 897 Hasting quitted England;
but several pirates remained; and two ships being taken at the Isle
of Wight, Alfred, on being asked what should be done with the crews,
exclaimed, "Oh! they may go and be hanged at Winchester!" The king's
orders having been taken literally, the marauders were carried to
Winchester, and hanged accordingly.
Alfred, having tranquillised the country, died in the year 901, after
a glorious reign of nearly thirty years, and is known to this day as
Alfred the Great, an epithet which has never yet been earned by one of
his successors.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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