The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
The English army had been completely panic-struck by the successes of
Joan, which were owing nearly equally to the zeal she inspired in her
friends and to the superstition of her enemies. She caused a letter to
be written to the latter, in her name, strongly advising them to "give
it up," and now she determined to give them a bit of a speech from the
ramparts of Orleans. Taking her place on the top of a ladder resting
against a high wall, she advised them to "be off;" "that it was no
use;" they were "only wasting their time there;" and recommended that,
if they had business elsewhere, they had better go and attend to it. Sir
William Gladesdale, an English leader, rose to reply amid cries of
"Down, down!" "Off, off!" "Hear him!" "Oh, oh!" and the usual
ejaculations which a difference of opinion in a crowd has always
elicited. As soon as Sir William could obtain a hearing, he was
understood to advise the Maid to "go home and take care of her cows;"
upon which Joan cleverly replied, that if "a calf were an object of care
as well as a cow, he (Sir William Gladesdale) ought to be placed at once
in safe keeping." The knight, finding the laugh against him, sat down
without another word, and Joan became more popular than ever after this
little incident.
It was part of the plan of the Maid to work upon the imagination of the
foe, and an amanuensis was employed to write another threatening letter,
in her name, to the English soldiers. The communication was thrown
into the midst of them, and Joan, being anxious to know what effect
it produced, stood on the ramparts to overhear what they said to it.
"Listeners never hear any good of themselves," and the Maid had the
mortification of listening to some fearful abuse of herself, which,
perhaps, served her right, for her behaviour was, to say the least
of it, exceedingly unladylike. Vanity became one of her most powerful
incentives, and she took upon herself to disagree with the Governor of
Orleans, the great captains, and all the military authorities, on points
of military tactics. Joan was, in fact, a very impracticable person, but
it was necessary to let her have her way to a considerable extent, on
account of her immense popularity with the soldiers. She insisted on
making an attack which was considered very premature, and, while leading
it in person, she got knocked over into a ditch by a dart, which set her
off crying very bitterly. A valiant knight picked her up and placed her
in the rear, consoling her by saying, "There, there I you're not a great
deal hurt. Come, come--dry your eyes. Don't cry, there's a good girl,"
and other words of encouragement. Joan, feeling that it would not do for
a heroine to be found roaring and whimpering at the first scratch she
received, soon recovered her self-possession, and was soon at the ditch
again, but on this occasion it was less for the purpose of fighting
herself than of urging on others to battle.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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