The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
The king, while hunting at Stony Stratford, pursuing a stag, came
suddenly upon a pretty dear, who literally staggered him. The young
lady was the widow of Sir Thomas Gray, and the daughter of Jacquetta of
Luxemburg by her second husband, Sir Richard Woodville, afterwards Earl
of Rivers. There is not the smallest doubt that Lady Gray and her mamma
had arranged together this accidental interview. The young lady,
who seems to have been a finished pupil in the school of flirtation,
entreated the king to reverse the attainder passed on her late husband,
to which Edward replied, that "he must be as stonyhearted as Stony
Stratford itself if he could refuse her anything." This rubbish ripened
into a real offer of marriage, which was, of course, accepted, and Lady
Gray was crowned Queen of England in the year following.
Warwick was rather nettled at being, as he said, "made a fool of" by
his royal master, and grew particularly jealous of the influence of the
king's wife, who got off her five unmarried sisters upon the heirs of as
many dukes or earls. He intrigued with the king's brother, the Duke of
Clarence, and both of them, being denounced as traitors, were obliged to
go abroad upon an order to travel. They visited France, where King Louis
not only supplied them with board and lodging, but put Warwick in the
way of a negotiation with Queen Margaret, which, it was thought, would
be advantageous to all parties. It was arranged that another push
should be made to push Henry on to the throne, but, as Warwick never
did business for nothing, he stipulated for the marriage of his daughter
with the queen's son, Edward.
Having reduced everything to writing, Warwick took his standard out
of his portmanteau for the purpose of planting it, and on the 13th of
September, 1479, he landed at Plymouth with a select but sturdy party of
malcontents. The people, whose motto was, "Anything for a change," were
soon persuaded to join in a cry of "Long live King Henry," and he was
taken out of the Tower for the purpose of being dragged about as a
puppet to give a sort of legitimacy to Warwick's projects. This nobleman
had got the name of the king-maker from a knack he had of manufacturing
the royal article with a rapidity truly astonishing. He could coin a
sovereign to order with a dispatch that the mint itself might fairly
be jealous of. He could provide a new king at the shortest notice, like
those victuallers who profess to have "dinners always ready;" and
Edward having got into "very low cut," Henry was "just up" as the latest
novelty from the _cuisine_ of the ingenious Warwick.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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