The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
The field then seems to have become perfectly clear, when Richard ran
across it, fearfully out of breath, fencing with a foil at nothing, and
calling loudly for a horse in exchange for his kingdom, though there
was not such a thing as a quadruped to be had for love or money. He then
seems to have shouted lustily for Richmond, and to have asserted that
he had already killed him five different times, from which it is to be
inferred that the crafty Henry had no less than half a dozen suits of
armour all made alike to mislead his antagonist. Richard then rushed
away, with a hop, skip and jump, after some imaginary foe; and Richmond
occupied the field; when Richard, happening to come back, they
stood looking at each other for several seconds. We may account
for Gloucester's temporary absence by referring to the historical
authorities, for he had probably chosen the interval in question to make
Sir John Cheney bite the dust, a most unpleasant process for Sir John,
who must have ground his teeth horribly with a mouthful of gravel.
The two competitors for the throne then stood upon their guard, and a
beautiful fencing-match ensued, to which there were no witnesses. A few
complimentary speeches were exchanged between some of the home thrusts,
and the combatants occasionally paused to take an artistical view of
each other's gallant bearing. Business is, however, business in the long
run, which, in this instance, ended in Richard being run through by the
victorious Richmond. The soldiers of the latter, who appear to have been
waiting behind a hedge to watch in whose favour fortune might turn,
ran forward at the triumph of their master being complete, and formed
a picture round him, while Stanley, taking the battered crown which
Richard had worn in battle, placed it--in its smashed state looking
like a gilt-edged opera hat--on the head of Richmond. The manner in
which Stanley became possessed of the ill-used bauble is quite in
accordance with the dramatic colouring that tinges and tinfoils this
beautiful period of our history. It is said that an old soldier kicked
against something in an adjacent field, and began actually playing at
football with the regal diadem. Placing his foot inside the rim, he sent
it flying into the air, when a ray of sunshine, lighting on one of the
jewels, revealed to him that it was no ordinary plaything he had got
hold of. Running with it as fast as he could to Stanley, the honest
fellow placed it in his lordship's hands, with a cry of "See what I have
found!" after the manner of the pantaloon under similar circumstances
in a pantomime. Stanley was about to put it in his pocket, when another
noble roared out, "Oh, I'll tell!" and a cry of "Somebody coming!" being
raised, the diadem was ingeniously dropped on to the head of Richmond.
The crown was fearfully scrunched by the numerous heavy blows its wearer
had received, and Henry the Seventh, taking it off for a moment to
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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