The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
The Battle of Bosworth Field terminated the War of the Roses, or rather
brought the roses into full blow, and cut off some of the flower of the
English nobility. Richmond was proclaimed king on the field, as Henry
the Seventh; and as the soldiers formed themselves into a _tableau_ the
curtain descended on the tragedy of the War between the Houses of York
and Lancaster.
Richard had reigned a couple of years and a couple of months when he
received his _quietus_ on the field of Bosworth. If ever there was a
king of England whose name was bad enough to hang him, this unfortunate
dog has a reputation which would suspend him on every lamp-post in
Christendom. The odium attaching to his policy has been visited on
his person, and it has been asserted that the latter was not straight
because the former was crooked. His right shoulder is said by Rouse,
who hated him, to have been higher than his left; but this apparent
deformity may have arisen from the party having taken a one-sided view
of him. His stature was small; but in the case of one who never stood
very high in the opinion of the public, it was physically impossible
for the fact to be otherwise. Walpole, in his very ingenious "Historic
Doubts," has tried to get rid of Richard's high hump, but the operation
has not been successful, in the opinion of any impartial umpire.
Imagination, that tyrant which has such a strange method of treating its
subjects, has had perhaps more to do than Nature in placing an enormous
burden on Richard's shoulders. His features were decidedly good-looking;
but on the converse of the principle that "handsome is as handsome
does," the tyrant Gloucester has been regarded as one of those who "ugly
was that handsome didn't."
It is a remarkable fact that Richard the Third during his short reign
received no subsidy from Parliament, though we must not suppose that
he ruled the kingdom gratuitously; for, on the contrary, his income was
ample and munificent. He got it in the shape of tonnage and poundage
upon all sorts of goods, and when money was not to be had he took
property to the full value of the claim he had upon it. The result was
that his treasury became a good deal like an old curiosity shop, a
coal shed, or a dealer's in marine stores, for anything that came in
Richard's way was perfectly acceptable. The principle of poundage was
applied to everything, even in quantities less than a pound, and he
would, even on a few ounces of sugar, sack his share of the saccharine.
If he required it for his own use he never scrupled to intercept the
housewife on her way from the butcher's and cut off the chump from the
end of the chop; nor did he hesitate, when he felt disposed, to lop the
very lollipop in the hands of the schoolboy. This principle of allowing
poundage to the king was in the highest degree inconvenient. It rendered
the meat-safe a misnomer, inasmuch as it was never safe from royal
rapacity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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