The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
When it had abated Henry began to think about his coronation, and
he took an early dinner at Lambeth with the Archbishop of
Canterbury--Thomas Bourchier--to talk the matter over. The king and the
prelate soon came to terms over their chop for the performance of the
ceremony, which took place on the 30th of October, 1485, in the usual
style of elegance. The good archbishop was an old and experienced hand:
for he had crowned Richard the Third only two years before, and indeed
the system of the prelate was, to ask no questions that he might hear no
falsehoods; but he was always ready to perform a coronation for anyone
who could find his own crown, and pay the fees that were usual.
A Parliament was now summoned, but when the Commons came together,
it turned out that several of them had been attainted and outlawed in
previous reigns without the attainders having been since reversed, and
Henry himself was in the same doubtful predicament. The opinion of the
judges was required in this disagreeable dilemma, but the intention in
consulting them was only to get these accommodating interpreters of the
law to twist it into a shape that would meet existing contingencies.
With the usual pliability of the judges of those days, the parties whose
opinion was asked gave it in favour of the strongest side, and Henry's
having got the crown was declared to have cured all deficiencies of
title. The Commons were obliged to have bills passed to reverse their
attainders, but the king, like one of those patent fire-places which
are advertised to consume their own smoke, was alleged to have cured the
defects of his own title by the bare fact of his having got possession
of the royal dignity.
Having settled all matters concerning his claim to the throne, he began
to think about his intended wife, Elizabeth. "I beg your pardon for
keeping you waiting," said he to Miss Woodville; "but, really I have
been detained by other engagements." The young lady, who had sometimes
feared that her case was one of breach of promise, was glad to disguise
her real annoyance, and saying that "It did not at all signify," she
prepared for the much retarded nuptials. They were solemnised on
the 18th of January, 1486, and they were no sooner over than Henry
exclaimed, "Now, Madam, recollect I have married you, but have not
married your family." This uncourteous speech had reference to old Mrs.
Woodville, who had already written to know what her new son-in-law
would do for her. "I will not have her in the house," roared Henry, with
savage earnestness; but he settled a small annuity upon her, which he
enabled himself to pay by pocketing the whole of her dower.
The queen became anxious for her coronation, as any woman might
reasonably be; but Henry put her off day after day, by exclaiming,
"Don't be in a hurry; there's time enough for that nonsense." In
this heartless manner he succeeded in adjourning the pageant for an
indefinite period.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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