The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
Notwithstanding the utter failure of this enterprise, which had cost
Henry not a penny to resist, he sent in a bill as long as his arm for
the equipment of his army. The people who had not been called upon to
strike a single blow, and always liked to have, what they called "their
whack for their money," were enraged at being asked to pay for a battle
that had never happened. The men of Cornwall were particularly angry at
having to give any of their tin, and came up to Blackheath, under Lord
Audley, whose inexperience was so great that he might have furnished
the original for the sign of the "Green Man," which so long remained the
distinguishing feature of the neighbourhood. The battle of Blackheath
was fought on the 22nd of June, 1497, with a good deal of superfluous
strength on one side, and consummate bad management on the other. On
the side of the insurgents, one Flammock or Flummock, an attorney, was
a principal leader, but he would gladly have taken out a summons to stay
proceedings, had such practice been allowable. It is probable that this
"gentleman one, &c." had been persuaded by some noble client who had
an interest in the fight to appear as his attorney in this memorable
action.
Henry having gained every advantage in his recent transactions was
desirous of completing his arrangements, by purchasing Warbeck, if
anyone could be found base enough to sell that unfortunate individual.
James of Scotland was too honourable for such a shameful bargain, though
he was greatly embarrassed in assisting Warbeck, for whom he had melted
down his plate--an act worthy of the most fiddle-headed spoon--besides
raising money on a gold chain he used to wear, and to which he was so
attached, that he compared it to
"Linked sweetness long drawn out,"
as he drew it forth from his pocket to put it into the hands of the
pawnbroker.
It was now intimated to Perkin Warbeck that he "had better go," for his
presence had become exceedingly costly and embarrassing. "I've nothing
more for you, my good man," were the considerate words of James as he
despatched his guest to seek his fortune elsewhere, attended by a
few trusty retainers, who stuck to him "through thick and thin," an
attachment which, as he could hardly pay his own way, must have been
very embarrassing. His wife's fidelity to him in his ill-fortune was a
beautiful as well as a gratifying fact, for she had, really, seen
much better days, and the sacrifices she made in sharing the fate of a
Pretender "out of luck" was quite undeniable.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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