The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
Ironsides, though for the moment put to flight, having been as it were
frightened at his own shadow, found on reflection, in the first piece of
water he came to, that his head was in its right place, though his heart
had slightly failed him, and he consequently paused in his retreat,
and met Canute face to face, on the road to Gloucestershire. Ironsides,
stepping forward in front of his army, made the cool proposition to
Canute that instead of risking the lives of so many brave men, they
should settle the quarrel by single combat. Considering that Edmund had
not only the advantage of patent-safety sides, which rendered him nearly
battle-axe proof, but was also about twice the height of his antagonist,
it is not surprising that Canute declined coming in immediate contact
with the metallic plates, which would have acted as a powerful battery
upon the diminutive Dane. Had he accepted the crafty challenge, every
blow inflicted on Ironsides would have been a severe rap on the knuckles
to Canute, who might as well have run his head against a brick wall as
engage in a single combat with a person of such undoubted metal. It
was, however, agreed that they should divide the realm, and though as
a general rule it is not advisable to do anything by halves, this
arrangement was decidedly beneficial to all parties. The armies were
both delighted at the proposal, and their joy affords proof that their
discretion formed a great deal more than the better part of their
valour.
Canute took the north, and Edmund the south, with a nominal superiority
over the former, so that the crown is said by the chroniclers to have
belonged to Ironsides. It was certainly better that the ascendency
should have been given to one of the two, for if their territory
had been equal the crown must have been divided, and he that had the
thickest head might have claimed the larger share of the regal diadem.
Edmund lived only two months after the agreement had been signed, and
as Canute took the benefit of survivorship, it has been good-naturedly
suggested that he must have been either the actual or virtual murderer
of Ironsides. There are only one or two facts which spoil this ingenious
and amiable theory; the first of which is, that there is no proof of his
having been killed at all,--an uncertainty that is quite sufficient
to allow the benefit of the doubt to those who have been named as his
murderers. Hume has, without hesitation, appointed Oxford as the
scene of the assassination, and has been kind enough to select two
chamberlains as the perpetrators of the deed, but we have been unable
to collect sufficient evidence to go to a jury against the anonymous
chamberlains, whom we beg leave to dismiss with the comfortable
assurance that they quit these pages without any stain on their
characters.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account