The Comic History of EnglandÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of England
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Great Britain -- History -- Humor
Canute, as the succeeding partner in the late firm of Edmund and Canute,
found himself, in 1017, all alone in his glory on the British throne.
His first care was to call a public meeting of "bishops," "duces," and
"optimates," at which he voted himself into the chair; and he caused it
to be proposed and seconded that he should be king to the exclusion of
all the descendants of Ethelred. There can be no doubt that the meeting
was packed, for every proposition of Canute was received with loud cries
of "hear," and repeated cheers. Strong resolutions were passed against
Edwy, the grown-up brother of Edmund Ironsides. Proceedings were
instantly commenced; he was declared an outlaw, and was soon taken in
execution in the then usual form.
Edmund and Edwy, the two infant sons of Ironsides, were protected by the
plea of infancy; but Canute sent them out to dry-nurse to the king of
the Swedes, with an intimation that if their mouths could be stopped by
Swedish turnips, or anything else, the arrangement would be satisfactory
to the English monarch. His Swedish majesty, whether moved by pity or
actuated by the feeling of "None of my child," sent the babies on to
Hungary, where they were taken in, but not done for, as Canute had
desired. The little Edmund died early, but his brother Edward settled
respectably in life, married a relation of the Emperor of Germany,
became a family man, and one of his daughters was subsequently a Mrs.
Malcolm, the lady of Malcolm, king of Scotland.
Edmund and Alfred, the other sons of Ethelred by Emma of Normandy, who
were still living with their uncle Robert, had a sort of lawyer's letter
written in their name to Canute, threatening an action of trover for the
sceptre, unless it were immediately restored.
After offering a moiety--being equal to a composition of ten shillings
in the pound--he proposed to settle the matter by marrying their mamma,
who consented to this arrangement; and the claims of the infants were
never heard of again. Neglected by their mother, they forgot their
mother tongue--they grew up Normans instead of Saxons, say the old
chroniclers, which seems to be going a little too far, for a Saxon
cannot become a Norman by living in Normandy, any more than a man
becomes a horse by residence in a stable.
After triumphing over his enemies, Canute somewhat altered for the
better, and became a quiet, gentlemanly, but rather jovial man. He was
fond of music, patronised vocalists, and occasionally wrote ballads, one
of which is still preserved. As it was said of a certain performer,
that he would have been a good actor if he had been possessed of figure,
voice, action, expression, and intelligence; so we may say of Canute,
that if he had known anything of sense or syntax, if he had been happy
at description, or possessed the slightest share of imagination, he
would have been a very fair poet.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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