The Comic History of RomeÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of Rome
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Rome -- History -- Humor; Wit and humor, Pictorial
At length the hostile armies met near Sentinum in Umbria--the Romans
mustering in considerable force, and the Samnites, in spite of much
pruning, which seemed only to have the effect of increasing their
growth, forming a highly respectable remnant. The latter had also a
considerable accession in the shape of Gauls, Umbrians, and Etrurians;
for tradition, when it desires to give interest to a battle, is always
prepared to scrape together from all quarters a sufficient number of
soldiers, on both sides, to equalise the chances of victory. While the
armies were drawn out in line before each other, they are said to have
been suddenly occupied in the contemplation of the following rather
remarkable incident. A deer, pursued by a wolf, ran rapidly down the
middle, and the two animals were on the point of going up again, when
the deer, apparently changing its mind, ran among the Gauls, who,
without hesitation, converted it into venison. The wolf, with a cunning
worthy of the fox, declined venturing on an experiment that had been so
costly to the deer, and turned in among the Romans, who, perhaps,
fearing that the wolf might have a taste for calves as well as for
sheep, took the precaution to save their legs, by making as wide an
opening as possible. No sooner was the wolf out of the way, than the
Romans began to boast that fear had gone to the foe in the shape of a
deer, while valour had come to their side in the person of Mars, whom
they declared they saw hidden under the hide of a wolf, his favourite
animal. The battle at length commenced, and the day being exceedingly
warm, added, in one sense, most inconveniently to the heat of the
contest. The Gauls created immense consternation among the Romans by
rushing down upon them in chariots armed with scythes, at the sight of
which they were terribly cut up, and unmercifully cut down, before they
had time to recover from their astonishment. Not wishing to be left as a
wretched harvest on the field, the Romans were about to fly, when they
were once more saved by a Mus, who on this occasion will be thought by
some to have deserved the epithet of "_ridiculus_." Recollecting the
example of his father, he resolved to sacrifice himself for the benefit
of his country, and, calling upon the pontiff, he caused his vow to be
regularly registered. The ceremony having been gone through, in due
form, he put spurs to his horse, and rushing in among the foe, he
became, as it were, a scabbard for the swords of all who could get
within reach of him. The Gauls were so completely stupified by what they
saw, that they were literally lost in wonder; for, while they stood
staring with astonishment, the Romans fell upon and massacred nearly the
whole of them. Gellius Egnatius, the Samnite General, was slain,
together with many thousands of his own countrymen, who are described by
tradition as having been once more cut to pieces, though these pieces
are not the last in which they are destined to make their appearance.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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