The Comic History of RomeÀ Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
History
The Comic History of Rome
À Beckett, Gilbert Abbott
Rome -- History -- Humor; Wit and humor, Pictorial
While the principles of independence were being promulgated in the East,
the Romans were also employed in carrying their notions of emancipation
into the North, where several tribes were cut to pieces, in order that
they might feel the interest which Rome condescended to take in them.
In some places the old inhabitants were rooted up like old trees, while
the younger branches were transplanted to other soils; and a large
quantity of Ligurian offshoots were carried off from their parent stems
to fill some vacant ground at Samnium. Many places were thoroughly
destroyed; and among others, Cremona was so unmercifully played upon,
that it was utterly broken up, and the lamentations of its inhabitants
were regarded no more than the moanings of a set of old fiddle-strings.
Not satisfied with being the masters of Italy and the tyrants of Greece,
the Romans aimed at establishing their dominion in Spain, which was
partly achieved by the treachery of some of the inhabitants, and the
cowardice of others. Some of its most powerful men entered into an
alliance with Rome, and were treated as insurgents or rebels, when they
dared to revolt against the foreign authority that had either cowed or
corrupted them.
The subjugation of Spain was mainly effected by M. Porcius Cato, who
took a rather remarkable way of reducing the country to submission; for
he induced several places to commit a sort of moral suicide; and after
condemning them in his own mind, he arranged that they should become, as
it were, their own executioners. He sent circulars to a large number of
fortified towns in Spain, with instructions that the communications were
not to be looked into before a certain day; and the inhabitants of every
town experienced the agony of suspense, in the fear that their doom was
sealed in a letter they were not allowed to open. At length, when the
day arrived for penetrating the envelope in which the mystery was
enclosed, every circular was found to contain a command that the walls
of the town to which it was addressed should be razed to the ground, or,
in case of disobedience, that the heaviest punishment should light on
its inhabitants. The authorities not being able to communicate with each
other, fancied their own town the only one that was doomed, and
proceeded to pull the place about their own ears, until it was reduced
to a heap of dry rubbish.
When the mischief was done, it was too late to discover that it need not
have been done at all; and though unity is in ordinary cases strength,
the unity with which the Spaniards had acted in demolishing their own
towns, had reduced them to a condition of utter feebleness.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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