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The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present — John Shaqi

The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.

History

The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present

Name: The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Author: Sherwood, John D.

Sherwood, John D.

United States -- History -- Humor

No Hopes for the Millennium in American Colonies up to
          1754.—More Swords than Ploughshares.—Mars in
          America.—Sixteen Indian Wars in 147 Years.—How they were
          fed by French Oil and blown by French Bellows.—The Five
          Great Continental Wars, and how they reached over and
          handled the Colonies.—The Treaty Patches, and how they
          failed to cover the War Breaches.—The Volcanic Character
          of American Soil.—How the Animosities of France and
          England grew through Four Centuries, and in what a
          Hateful Harvest they waved, in 1754, each Side the
          Sea.—Celebrated Fights between the Rivals in Europe.—How
          Commercial Competition rubbed in Salt Water, and
          Religious Differences Brimstone, into the
          Wounds.—Memorable Cases of Battle Surgery.—The Relative
          Merits of English and French Claims to America fully
          stated.—Deeds of Land and of Arms clash.—French Jesuits
          with Crosses and Traders with Skins encompass the
          English Plantations from Maine to Minnesota, and thence
          to Alabama and Texas.—Marquette, Joliet, La Salle,
          Lallemand, and others.—The Former escaped the Fast Life
          of Chicago, and La Salle the Hazards of Natchez.—France
          seeks to fasten a Remarkable Rosary around the Neck of
          Young America; England to cut it.—Suitors to the same
          Maiden, they suited not her nor each other.—Their soft
          Ways to her.—Their Hardness to each other.—Their Long
          Quarrels over her Person and Purse result at last in a
          Decisive Fight.—The Championship for the American
          Belt.—The Champions, the Belt, and the Ring
          described.—How John Bull and Jean Crapeau stepped into
          the Latter.—The Nine Rounds from 1754 to 1763.—How Mr.
          Bull won; what he said, and how Monsieur Crapeau
          behaved.—A Suitor pleased, and a Suitor non-suited.


 XIII.  CAUSES OF THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION                            229

        The People as Yeast.—The Fermentation.—Washington, Samuel
          Adams, Patrick Henry, Rutledge, Franklin, Otis, and
          others, and their Value in the Colonial Fermenting
          Pots.—State Courtships in 1754–1765 and 1774, tend to a
          more Perfect Union.—How Home Confidences operate.—What
          Effect the English Navigation Acts had on American
          Swimmers.—Lord North and Charles Townshend.—Colonial
          Assemblies and Country Dances.—Dislike of
          Impositions.—That small Boston Tea-Party.—The large
          Amount of Atlantic Water between the Tea Seller and Tea
          Purchaser.—When Tea can’t be sweetened.—Be-cause as a
          Cause.

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                              BOOK THIRD.

                        THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION.

Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.

The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present

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