The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the presentSherwood, John D.
History
The comic history of the United States, from a period prior to the discovery of America to times long subsequent to the present
Sherwood, John D.
United States -- History -- Humor
The colonists very early felt the inconvenience of this little
arrangement; and, being a sharp set, soon perceived the loss in thus
buying and selling exclusively in a foreign market, stuff which they
could suit themselves better with at home, even if the articles did not
have the companies’ trade-mark or shine with their patented varnish.
Gradually they tried their hands at law-making and officer-making, and,
finding how easy it was, took a great liking to the business; and at
length, dropping the foreign-made articles one after another, came to
carry on a considerable manufacture of their own. The Yankee colonists
were particularly handy at making church regulations, and so multiplied
them that we doubt whether any churches then existing had such a large
and full collection. In fact, in some parts of New England,
church-members had a difficulty often in knowing what to do, not having
sufficient time to read the long codes, and yet conscientiously fearing
lest they might offend against some of their minute provisions
prescribing or proscribing action. It may be remarked, in passing, that
this _cacœthes faciendi leges_ is an itch highly American, no ointment
having yet been found strong enough to cure it. The colonists early
insisted on acquiring their lands in fee, not liking any leases but
releases. The old fable of Anteus was again vivified. The man who stands
on the soil gets the strength of the earth; and forthwith wrestles down
his opponents, want or idleness, be they never so herculean. And so the
simple land-owners of the Colonies, touching constantly their own acres,
sucked up law-making power from their pores, and even imbibed a certain
resisting faculty to cannons bored by any one but themselves.
They had an aversion to roads not made with their own hands; to laws of
entail or inheritance, disposing of their lands which they had chopped
out of the raw side of a continent; and, in fine, became so resolutely
resistant to all resolutions moved on the far Atlantic side, unless
seconded on this by themselves through their own representatives, that
we are compelled by authentic documents to believe, if the ten
commandments had been enacted by the royal law-makers without Colonial
ratification, the sturdy settlers would have practically expunged all
the “nots” from the suspected decalogue.
In those early times nothing was more criminal than the laws against
criminals. Like the medical practitioners, the legal doctors believed in
blood-letting for all ailments. Misdemeanors, now disposed of at quarter
sessions and by police magistrates with small fines or petty
imprisonment, then dangled at the hideous cross-bars.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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